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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 736694" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>I do not know where he is. He sleeps in his car and parks in a new place or town every night. He never stays in one place. He parks inside neighborhoods, at the curb between the fronts of houses, so he will not be noticed. My youngest techie son put a tracker on the new phone that my youngest gave to him when he was escorted from our neighborhood.. It worked for 2 days and then the phone died. He has never used his new phone. He is extremely paranoid. He probably is fearful of being tracked or saw the tracker app.</p><p></p><p>Our joint account shows locations of activities after it has occurred. Often 2 towns can show up on one day. I cannot find him. He has no address or friends to contact. He is very smart and driven by paranoia, delusions, and command hallucinations. His voices told him to kill me. They are probably telling him that I am dangerous. His worst nightmare was realized when 5 police officers were in our house and he was pulled out of his room in his boxers. I have no idea of how he viewed the whole thing. I do not know if, on some level, he knew that I was trying to keep us all safe. At the very least, he knows, per the order, that he cannot be near me or try to contact me. I followed the directions at the courthouse. Later, I was told by someone at NAMI that I could have allowed phone calls. I wish that I had. But, he is not a phone person. Previously, he had only called me twice in 9 years...</p><p></p><p>He uses a major gym membership for showers 24/7. He probably takes showers in the wee hours to avoid people. Each town has several of these gyms. He frequents many different cities without any specific pattern. </p><p></p><p>The order was for the longest amount of time...5 years. It has been 3 years. I know that the time element does not make a difference to him. I am the bad guy. I would only see him if he came home, and in his frame of mind, it would be to perhaps kill me. He was arguing with his voices, so I feel that he is staying far enough away to keep me safe. But, he is probably just following the restraining order. But, he chooses to be near. Maybe, he knows these adjacent towns and feels safer. One therapist said that he is like a shark with blood in the water, circling me. Another therapist said that he wants to be near because he loves us. He is never further away than 40 minutes from me, and he rarely is in town.</p><p></p><p>The restraining order was to keep us all safe. My youngest son, who has his own house in town now, and I were not hurt or possibly killed. He was not hurt by the police or put in prison for harming somone.</p><p></p><p>I have thought that I could rent a car and sleep in the parking lot of one of the gyms, wearing a wig. But, then what? If I saw him, would I rush up to him in a dark parking lot alone?</p><p></p><p>I would scare him, not be in a safe position, and he would run off and probably go to a new state. If he did try to hurt me, and I called 911, the police would arrest me for breaking the order. I thought of handing him a letter. I am sure that he would not let me get close enough to hand it to him. He would see it as a trap, not as a mother who misses her son.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully, he knows that we love and miss him. Most therapists and people at NAMI feel that I should never give him a penny, so that he 'presents' quicker and is brought in. I would not be contacted unless he permits it, which he wouldn't, so I would never know if he was brought in. Usually, they have to be arrested several times before mental health court is involved, if ever. This is my only lifeline. He would probably never seek help and could starve. I would fall apart if I did not know if he is alive.</p><p></p><p>I cannot do anything.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 736694, member: 19245"] I do not know where he is. He sleeps in his car and parks in a new place or town every night. He never stays in one place. He parks inside neighborhoods, at the curb between the fronts of houses, so he will not be noticed. My youngest techie son put a tracker on the new phone that my youngest gave to him when he was escorted from our neighborhood.. It worked for 2 days and then the phone died. He has never used his new phone. He is extremely paranoid. He probably is fearful of being tracked or saw the tracker app. Our joint account shows locations of activities after it has occurred. Often 2 towns can show up on one day. I cannot find him. He has no address or friends to contact. He is very smart and driven by paranoia, delusions, and command hallucinations. His voices told him to kill me. They are probably telling him that I am dangerous. His worst nightmare was realized when 5 police officers were in our house and he was pulled out of his room in his boxers. I have no idea of how he viewed the whole thing. I do not know if, on some level, he knew that I was trying to keep us all safe. At the very least, he knows, per the order, that he cannot be near me or try to contact me. I followed the directions at the courthouse. Later, I was told by someone at NAMI that I could have allowed phone calls. I wish that I had. But, he is not a phone person. Previously, he had only called me twice in 9 years... He uses a major gym membership for showers 24/7. He probably takes showers in the wee hours to avoid people. Each town has several of these gyms. He frequents many different cities without any specific pattern. The order was for the longest amount of time...5 years. It has been 3 years. I know that the time element does not make a difference to him. I am the bad guy. I would only see him if he came home, and in his frame of mind, it would be to perhaps kill me. He was arguing with his voices, so I feel that he is staying far enough away to keep me safe. But, he is probably just following the restraining order. But, he chooses to be near. Maybe, he knows these adjacent towns and feels safer. One therapist said that he is like a shark with blood in the water, circling me. Another therapist said that he wants to be near because he loves us. He is never further away than 40 minutes from me, and he rarely is in town. The restraining order was to keep us all safe. My youngest son, who has his own house in town now, and I were not hurt or possibly killed. He was not hurt by the police or put in prison for harming somone. I have thought that I could rent a car and sleep in the parking lot of one of the gyms, wearing a wig. But, then what? If I saw him, would I rush up to him in a dark parking lot alone? I would scare him, not be in a safe position, and he would run off and probably go to a new state. If he did try to hurt me, and I called 911, the police would arrest me for breaking the order. I thought of handing him a letter. I am sure that he would not let me get close enough to hand it to him. He would see it as a trap, not as a mother who misses her son. Hopefully, he knows that we love and miss him. Most therapists and people at NAMI feel that I should never give him a penny, so that he 'presents' quicker and is brought in. I would not be contacted unless he permits it, which he wouldn't, so I would never know if he was brought in. Usually, they have to be arrested several times before mental health court is involved, if ever. This is my only lifeline. He would probably never seek help and could starve. I would fall apart if I did not know if he is alive. I cannot do anything. [/QUOTE]
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