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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 748419" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>It is terrible, a rock and a hard spot for sure. A never ending ache. I can push it aside for a time, but it wells up in me and the dam bursts. My Hoku says it is hard to love them because of their circumstances and how they have disregarded themselves and family. It hurts too much to love them. I think it is a bit easier for siblings to push the ache away than for a parent. I would be fooling myself if I tried to pretend I am not affected.</p><p>I am.</p><p>With that, I have my work cut out for me.</p><p> Rinse, repeat.</p><p>I hear you Copa how responding to others suffering with their adult children’s life choices, brings a feeling of connection and mastery, it has been a way to speak to <em>myself </em>as well, a reaffirmation of been there done that, this is the course <em>I</em> need to be on.</p><p>It’s like a hard upwind paddle. Sometimes I am strong, sometimes not.</p><p>The thing is, we can’t want for our adult children more than they want for themselves.</p><p>So, being sad and depressed over their situations makes no sense either. I suppose we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t get a dose of the “feels” every so often. We are living with challenging circumstances.</p><p>I dare say that I don’t feel I am codependent, although when I do feel ill affected by my twos lifestyle, a professional may label me as such.</p><p><em>Why is their timing so impeccable? “Oh are you having a hard time? Let’s see how you deal with this.....wham.”</em></p><p>As we sat vigil by my mother in laws bedside, seeing her frail form struggle at last breath, fond memories flooding my thoughts, in particular her joy at our firstborn Rain. Then the call the <em>very next day</em> that Rain was hospitalized with sepsis.</p><p>In emergency mode, we made our way to the park, only to find her hemming and hawing at seeking care. I sat there looking at her surroundings, her park family, thinking to myself that this was another fruitless effort. Now I see it as my daughter says, “We went, we did what we could do and showed our love, the rest is up to her.”</p><p>It is.</p><p>Likewise for Tornado. She is in between the cracks in the system, awaiting trial, not sentenced, so she is not able to get the services afforded to inmates. If she is let out again it will be the same scenario, on the streets with nothing but the clothes on her back. Again, <em>her consequences</em>. I have called around and been told there are shelters she could go to. It will be her choice. I have come to see that her insistence at coming home is a reflection that she has not seen her responsibility in the mess meth has made of her life. I don’t think she is ready for change, she just wants out of prison.</p><p>Sorry Feeling, hijacking your post again.</p><p>Rn, I wanted to quote more of your post but the quote thingee won’t work. Yes, age does factor in to succumbing to stress with illness. I was hit with a weird virus that attacked my joints and bones and laid me flat. I had no energy for a few months, then a bout of depression hit. I was <em>drowning</em>. It was all I could do to get up in the morning and get myself to work. I now see it as Copa said, I was in overdrive and my body revolted.</p><p>Feeling, just a few more weeks of school. I look forward to a break. Are you going to travel?</p><p>Copa, I am sorry you are feeling sad. What is a mother to do? You are miserable when you have little to no contact with your son.</p><p> Here it is Mother’s day. Sigh.</p><p>A warm hug to all of the Mothers here that light that spirit candle of hope that our adult children will somehow find their way to their potential.</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 748419, member: 19522"] It is terrible, a rock and a hard spot for sure. A never ending ache. I can push it aside for a time, but it wells up in me and the dam bursts. My Hoku says it is hard to love them because of their circumstances and how they have disregarded themselves and family. It hurts too much to love them. I think it is a bit easier for siblings to push the ache away than for a parent. I would be fooling myself if I tried to pretend I am not affected. I am. With that, I have my work cut out for me. Rinse, repeat. I hear you Copa how responding to others suffering with their adult children’s life choices, brings a feeling of connection and mastery, it has been a way to speak to [I]myself [/I]as well, a reaffirmation of been there done that, this is the course [I]I[/I] need to be on. It’s like a hard upwind paddle. Sometimes I am strong, sometimes not. The thing is, we can’t want for our adult children more than they want for themselves. So, being sad and depressed over their situations makes no sense either. I suppose we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t get a dose of the “feels” every so often. We are living with challenging circumstances. I dare say that I don’t feel I am codependent, although when I do feel ill affected by my twos lifestyle, a professional may label me as such. [I]Why is their timing so impeccable? “Oh are you having a hard time? Let’s see how you deal with this.....wham.”[/I] As we sat vigil by my mother in laws bedside, seeing her frail form struggle at last breath, fond memories flooding my thoughts, in particular her joy at our firstborn Rain. Then the call the [I]very next day[/I] that Rain was hospitalized with sepsis. In emergency mode, we made our way to the park, only to find her hemming and hawing at seeking care. I sat there looking at her surroundings, her park family, thinking to myself that this was another fruitless effort. Now I see it as my daughter says, “We went, we did what we could do and showed our love, the rest is up to her.” It is. Likewise for Tornado. She is in between the cracks in the system, awaiting trial, not sentenced, so she is not able to get the services afforded to inmates. If she is let out again it will be the same scenario, on the streets with nothing but the clothes on her back. Again, [I]her consequences[/I]. I have called around and been told there are shelters she could go to. It will be her choice. I have come to see that her insistence at coming home is a reflection that she has not seen her responsibility in the mess meth has made of her life. I don’t think she is ready for change, she just wants out of prison. Sorry Feeling, hijacking your post again. Rn, I wanted to quote more of your post but the quote thingee won’t work. Yes, age does factor in to succumbing to stress with illness. I was hit with a weird virus that attacked my joints and bones and laid me flat. I had no energy for a few months, then a bout of depression hit. I was [I]drowning[/I]. It was all I could do to get up in the morning and get myself to work. I now see it as Copa said, I was in overdrive and my body revolted. Feeling, just a few more weeks of school. I look forward to a break. Are you going to travel? Copa, I am sorry you are feeling sad. What is a mother to do? You are miserable when you have little to no contact with your son. Here it is Mother’s day. Sigh. A warm hug to all of the Mothers here that light that spirit candle of hope that our adult children will somehow find their way to their potential. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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