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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 748863" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>TL.</p><p></p><p>She is being a brat. You don't deserve this. I get it. Her reasoning is both illogical and indefensible. She is using her brother, against you, like a battering ram. And it is hypocritical. She is indifferent at best about his well-being, and even less about being around him. Of course you are upset. You're upset because she is doing the wrong thing, vis a vis her grandparents, vis a vis you, vis a vis herself and vis a vis her brother. There is nothing to be happy about here. Of course you are disappointed in her. And she has dug in. It's not a good look.</p><p></p><p>But it's one moment in time. One bad decision. She deserves a chance to be wrong. That is my point.</p><p></p><p>I have mentioned a number of times on this site, that I worked in a study many years ago, of siblings of sufferers of cystic fibrosis. The point being, when one child uses up so much of the oxygen in a family, there are consequences for the other kids. Actually I think it is a good sign that daughter is able to be so outright impossible. Better that than to hold it in.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking about you and nobody else. Your welfare. The best thing for YOU is to let it go. It is not that I don't understand or sympathize with your feelings. It is because I DO.</p><p></p><p>Of course you would want a unified and united family, to have both kids together, to have everybody together. And her attitude is just rubbing salt in the wound.</p><p></p><p>Would it be that she could show compassion for you...For what you have been through.</p><p></p><p>You don't need this from her. Sigh. But what about our situation is FAIR? All of it is unfair. For you. For her. For son. (For me and my own son).</p><p></p><p>I do not think your daughter has the where with all to understand what you go through. I don't think she has the where with all to understand what her brother has gone through. How could she? Blessedly, she has not had this experience.</p><p></p><p>You are torn in two trying to be what each of them needs, and to have full and complete relationships with both of them, despite the water under the bridge. You are a hero. But neither one of your kids can see it. But we do.</p><p></p><p>There is no reconciling any of this, with her. You will not get what you need. She cannot give it right now at this point in her life.</p><p></p><p>I think you are wise to let this go for your husband to handle.</p><p></p><p>Personally, I believe she very well gain some insight on this if you back off.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 748863, member: 18958"] TL. She is being a brat. You don't deserve this. I get it. Her reasoning is both illogical and indefensible. She is using her brother, against you, like a battering ram. And it is hypocritical. She is indifferent at best about his well-being, and even less about being around him. Of course you are upset. You're upset because she is doing the wrong thing, vis a vis her grandparents, vis a vis you, vis a vis herself and vis a vis her brother. There is nothing to be happy about here. Of course you are disappointed in her. And she has dug in. It's not a good look. But it's one moment in time. One bad decision. She deserves a chance to be wrong. That is my point. I have mentioned a number of times on this site, that I worked in a study many years ago, of siblings of sufferers of cystic fibrosis. The point being, when one child uses up so much of the oxygen in a family, there are consequences for the other kids. Actually I think it is a good sign that daughter is able to be so outright impossible. Better that than to hold it in. I am thinking about you and nobody else. Your welfare. The best thing for YOU is to let it go. It is not that I don't understand or sympathize with your feelings. It is because I DO. Of course you would want a unified and united family, to have both kids together, to have everybody together. And her attitude is just rubbing salt in the wound. Would it be that she could show compassion for you...For what you have been through. You don't need this from her. Sigh. But what about our situation is FAIR? All of it is unfair. For you. For her. For son. (For me and my own son). I do not think your daughter has the where with all to understand what you go through. I don't think she has the where with all to understand what her brother has gone through. How could she? Blessedly, she has not had this experience. You are torn in two trying to be what each of them needs, and to have full and complete relationships with both of them, despite the water under the bridge. You are a hero. But neither one of your kids can see it. But we do. There is no reconciling any of this, with her. You will not get what you need. She cannot give it right now at this point in her life. I think you are wise to let this go for your husband to handle. Personally, I believe she very well gain some insight on this if you back off. [/QUOTE]
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