Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Feeling very sad for my 5 year old daughter-Divorced Single Mom
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 567088" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi I agree with the others, there is probably some other complicating or underlying issue going on....if you can have her evaluated by someone who works in a field called "neuropsychology" that could be very helpful. These people are psychologists with additional training in neurology so can evaluate a broader range of challenges. How does your daughter play? Does she have any issues with attention? Is she over or under sensitive to touch, smell, sound, lights, etc. Is she rigid in what she eats or how you have to do things?</p><p></p><p>The specific behavior problem you're describing is called difficulty with transitions. Switching from one thing to another. Often worse when switching from a preferred activity to a less preferred one but also difficult for any switch. Thats why a rigid routine helps and yes, it's hard to start that especially. </p><p></p><p>She is so young that time limits are too vague. Many times a visual method helps. There are visual timers. But an easy method is to make small cards (use index cards punch a hole in the corner and put the cards on a ring.)</p><p></p><p>On each card write one of the following : 1, 2, 3, Go (in green color), Stop (in red). You use the word "minute" but really the time doesn't matter as much as your routine. Use this for every transition. </p><p></p><p>So you go up to her and happily show he 3 and say three minutes then bath (or whatever ) then some time later, show the 2 simply saying two minutes....then one, then the Go picture, "go!" time for bath........</p><p></p><p>Happy calm voice no matter the reaction which is likely to not be good at first (afterall, this is new so itself is a transition). </p><p></p><p>You have the stop card (used less frequently ) for times the only option is to stop an activity or behavior. You can imagine how go is more positive. </p><p></p><p></p><p>This can be used anywhere for any activity or behavior and because its visual it uses more of her learning modalities (hearing and vision). If you're not opposed to treats, give a small reward immediately when she transitions (even if not perfect but not after aggression of course) and once she predictably following the method you can give it every other time then fade to random times. </p><p>I've used this with my own son and many students. It is not magic and does not take all battles away but it usually dramatically reduces it because the routine becomes predictable and consistent. If she likes games practicing this (and if you can get easy child to go along with it too its a great role model) in a fun way with lots of treats helps make it a happy thing. </p><p>May sound babyish but I swear for some kids its comforting. </p><p>Notes : don't force her to "look" just put it in her line of vision and dont reward on a sticker chart or anything where she has to wait for a reward. That is a whole other skill and often doesn't work with g'sfg. </p><p></p><p>There are many options like this but this is really simple and if you find you need a real life extra minute you can stretch out the presentation a tiny bit. (Don't wait long periods of time) or vice versa if you need to rush you can present them every thirty seconds. </p><p>Many of us also use visual schedules where we put the order of the day with little pics if needed so they have a mental map of the day. It helps many kids (not all of course). </p><p></p><p>Another often helpful phrase if she wants something right away but you need to finish something or she needs to do something else first is......." first ________, then _________."</p><p>Remember, the ticket is routine, even if she seems to fuss at first. </p><p></p><p>May not help you but thought I'd share something that helped us a lot. </p><p></p><p>A couple of books that are helpful for kids who don't respond well to traditional parenting methods are "What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" by Doug Riley and "The Explosive Child " by Ross Greene. </p><p></p><p>Glad you found us. There are many parents who have been through divorce /co-parenting challenges and I'm sure they will be supportive and helpful to you on those issues. </p><p></p><p>Hugs, Dee</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 567088, member: 12886"] Hi I agree with the others, there is probably some other complicating or underlying issue going on....if you can have her evaluated by someone who works in a field called "neuropsychology" that could be very helpful. These people are psychologists with additional training in neurology so can evaluate a broader range of challenges. How does your daughter play? Does she have any issues with attention? Is she over or under sensitive to touch, smell, sound, lights, etc. Is she rigid in what she eats or how you have to do things? The specific behavior problem you're describing is called difficulty with transitions. Switching from one thing to another. Often worse when switching from a preferred activity to a less preferred one but also difficult for any switch. Thats why a rigid routine helps and yes, it's hard to start that especially. She is so young that time limits are too vague. Many times a visual method helps. There are visual timers. But an easy method is to make small cards (use index cards punch a hole in the corner and put the cards on a ring.) On each card write one of the following : 1, 2, 3, Go (in green color), Stop (in red). You use the word "minute" but really the time doesn't matter as much as your routine. Use this for every transition. So you go up to her and happily show he 3 and say three minutes then bath (or whatever ) then some time later, show the 2 simply saying two minutes....then one, then the Go picture, "go!" time for bath........ Happy calm voice no matter the reaction which is likely to not be good at first (afterall, this is new so itself is a transition). You have the stop card (used less frequently ) for times the only option is to stop an activity or behavior. You can imagine how go is more positive. This can be used anywhere for any activity or behavior and because its visual it uses more of her learning modalities (hearing and vision). If you're not opposed to treats, give a small reward immediately when she transitions (even if not perfect but not after aggression of course) and once she predictably following the method you can give it every other time then fade to random times. I've used this with my own son and many students. It is not magic and does not take all battles away but it usually dramatically reduces it because the routine becomes predictable and consistent. If she likes games practicing this (and if you can get easy child to go along with it too its a great role model) in a fun way with lots of treats helps make it a happy thing. May sound babyish but I swear for some kids its comforting. Notes : don't force her to "look" just put it in her line of vision and dont reward on a sticker chart or anything where she has to wait for a reward. That is a whole other skill and often doesn't work with g'sfg. There are many options like this but this is really simple and if you find you need a real life extra minute you can stretch out the presentation a tiny bit. (Don't wait long periods of time) or vice versa if you need to rush you can present them every thirty seconds. Many of us also use visual schedules where we put the order of the day with little pics if needed so they have a mental map of the day. It helps many kids (not all of course). Another often helpful phrase if she wants something right away but you need to finish something or she needs to do something else first is......." first ________, then _________." Remember, the ticket is routine, even if she seems to fuss at first. May not help you but thought I'd share something that helped us a lot. A couple of books that are helpful for kids who don't respond well to traditional parenting methods are "What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" by Doug Riley and "The Explosive Child " by Ross Greene. Glad you found us. There are many parents who have been through divorce /co-parenting challenges and I'm sure they will be supportive and helpful to you on those issues. Hugs, Dee [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Feeling very sad for my 5 year old daughter-Divorced Single Mom
Top