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Fighting the Guilt Demons
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<blockquote data-quote="JKF" data-source="post: 659758" data-attributes="member: 12470"><p>Yes and this is what is keeping me from moving forward and "saving" him. We have been through this same thing thousands of times. Well, not with this particular health issue but it's still the same song and dance. It goes a little something like this - Something happens, suddenly it's an emergency, he thinks he's finally "got me" to the point where I'll <em>have</em> to give in, I don't give in but instead offer options on how he can help himself, he says no, says it's a waste of time, gets angry at me, blames me for his life, says hurtful things, I give in and call whoever and try to get him help, I spend hours of my time setting up services, he decides he doesn't want help after all, goes off with his friends to do what he wants, doesn't call unless it's an emergency, and REPEAT!</p><p></p><p> You're right. The only thing that has ever slightly helped is me stepping back and forcing him to handle his issues on his own. I'm glad you remember so clearly what he did to my dad because, although I haven't forgotten and never will, time has faded my memory just a wee bit. Thank you for refreshing my memory because that was THE deciding factor that made me step back and out of his life at the time. And he hasn't changed. I'm just not around him enough for it to be a constant reminder.</p><p></p><p> Yes - Difficult Child will steal from us even if we are in the same room. I remember one time he pretended he was looking for a pen and took a bunch of gift cards that we were saving. We were right there in the same room with him watching TV. It wasn't until later, when I went to use the gift cards, that we found out he took them. He swore up and down it wasn't him. He would NEVER do that. How DARE we blame him? Another time he waited until we were asleep and stole my husband's debit card out of his wallet, wrote down the number and passed it out to all of his delinquent friends. They spent thousands on video game systems and games. Again, it wasn't him. How could we think that? What kind of parents are we that we would think that about our child? Those are just two minor examples out of the hundreds of times he's done similar things. And it wasn't just us. He stole (still steals) from EVERYONE. Family members, friends, strangers. No one is safe......</p><p></p><p> I decided not to call. I left it up to him to tell the dr and social worker if he wants me involved. So far no one has called so I'm figuring he hasn't signed any releases. That's fine. It's his decision. </p><p></p><p> Yes Echo.....I definitely know the answer. Thank you so much for gently reminding me.</p><p></p><p> COM! I couldn't agree more. Setting boundaries is the only way to go but why is it so darn hard sometimes?!?! lol</p><p></p><p>Anyway, all of that being said, I love my son! Very much! And I want more than anything for him to be ok but it's up to him to take care of himself. I can't keep holding his hand and walking him through life and fixing everything for him. Even though he had a big medical scare, he needs to realize that it's still up to him to change his situation. All I can do is offer love and emotional support right now. I enjoy talking to him when he's not cursing me out and blaming me for all of the wrongs in his life. There are times when we get along beautifully and laugh more than we fight and I cherish those times. </p><p></p><p>Thank you all for walking me through this latest drama today. I really don't know what I would do without you all!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JKF, post: 659758, member: 12470"] Yes and this is what is keeping me from moving forward and "saving" him. We have been through this same thing thousands of times. Well, not with this particular health issue but it's still the same song and dance. It goes a little something like this - Something happens, suddenly it's an emergency, he thinks he's finally "got me" to the point where I'll [I]have[/I] to give in, I don't give in but instead offer options on how he can help himself, he says no, says it's a waste of time, gets angry at me, blames me for his life, says hurtful things, I give in and call whoever and try to get him help, I spend hours of my time setting up services, he decides he doesn't want help after all, goes off with his friends to do what he wants, doesn't call unless it's an emergency, and REPEAT! You're right. The only thing that has ever slightly helped is me stepping back and forcing him to handle his issues on his own. I'm glad you remember so clearly what he did to my dad because, although I haven't forgotten and never will, time has faded my memory just a wee bit. Thank you for refreshing my memory because that was THE deciding factor that made me step back and out of his life at the time. And he hasn't changed. I'm just not around him enough for it to be a constant reminder. Yes - Difficult Child will steal from us even if we are in the same room. I remember one time he pretended he was looking for a pen and took a bunch of gift cards that we were saving. We were right there in the same room with him watching TV. It wasn't until later, when I went to use the gift cards, that we found out he took them. He swore up and down it wasn't him. He would NEVER do that. How DARE we blame him? Another time he waited until we were asleep and stole my husband's debit card out of his wallet, wrote down the number and passed it out to all of his delinquent friends. They spent thousands on video game systems and games. Again, it wasn't him. How could we think that? What kind of parents are we that we would think that about our child? Those are just two minor examples out of the hundreds of times he's done similar things. And it wasn't just us. He stole (still steals) from EVERYONE. Family members, friends, strangers. No one is safe...... I decided not to call. I left it up to him to tell the dr and social worker if he wants me involved. So far no one has called so I'm figuring he hasn't signed any releases. That's fine. It's his decision. Yes Echo.....I definitely know the answer. Thank you so much for gently reminding me. COM! I couldn't agree more. Setting boundaries is the only way to go but why is it so darn hard sometimes?!?! lol Anyway, all of that being said, I love my son! Very much! And I want more than anything for him to be ok but it's up to him to take care of himself. I can't keep holding his hand and walking him through life and fixing everything for him. Even though he had a big medical scare, he needs to realize that it's still up to him to change his situation. All I can do is offer love and emotional support right now. I enjoy talking to him when he's not cursing me out and blaming me for all of the wrongs in his life. There are times when we get along beautifully and laugh more than we fight and I cherish those times. Thank you all for walking me through this latest drama today. I really don't know what I would do without you all! [/QUOTE]
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