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Parent Emeritus
Fighting the Guilt Demons
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 659797" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I would add that we need to be exquisitely aware of our difficult child willingness to use mother love to manipulate us shamelessly. Almost, with malice aforethought it sometimes seems. Especially if this condition is chronic or will worsen over time, it will be best for you to declare a firm boundary around these issues now. As Echo notes, the social worker is there to assist with what is needed without becoming personally involved.</p><p></p><p>When something like this happens, when the danger that might happen becomes the thing that did happen, every alarm starts shrieking and we are popped into FOG. This was a huge event for you, JKF. You handled it well.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you did not call the social worker.</p><p></p><p>That must have been very hard.</p><p></p><p>We are still getting that acid-bath feeling from our daughter about how we could be so heartless as to not take her in after she was hurt. This coldness on our parts will get to be part of the story of "The way they are is why this happened ~ when I was hurt/sick/homeless/poor they didn't care."</p><p></p><p>It is hurtful to hear those kinds of things, and to know the kids believe what they tell themselves about us.</p><p></p><p>Very hurtful; that is why I liked it so much when you posted that you loved him and enjoyed him and laughed with him alot.</p><p></p><p>Those are the things that matter.</p><p></p><p>Holding a good thought for every one of us, this morning.</p><p></p><p>It is amazing how many folds and complexities and gradations of love and hate and love again there are in our relationships with our kids.</p><p></p><p>I think you are handling something really hard very well, JKF.</p><p> </p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 659797, member: 17461"] I would add that we need to be exquisitely aware of our difficult child willingness to use mother love to manipulate us shamelessly. Almost, with malice aforethought it sometimes seems. Especially if this condition is chronic or will worsen over time, it will be best for you to declare a firm boundary around these issues now. As Echo notes, the social worker is there to assist with what is needed without becoming personally involved. When something like this happens, when the danger that might happen becomes the thing that did happen, every alarm starts shrieking and we are popped into FOG. This was a huge event for you, JKF. You handled it well. I am glad you did not call the social worker. That must have been very hard. We are still getting that acid-bath feeling from our daughter about how we could be so heartless as to not take her in after she was hurt. This coldness on our parts will get to be part of the story of "The way they are is why this happened ~ when I was hurt/sick/homeless/poor they didn't care." It is hurtful to hear those kinds of things, and to know the kids believe what they tell themselves about us. Very hurtful; that is why I liked it so much when you posted that you loved him and enjoyed him and laughed with him alot. Those are the things that matter. Holding a good thought for every one of us, this morning. It is amazing how many folds and complexities and gradations of love and hate and love again there are in our relationships with our kids. I think you are handling something really hard very well, JKF. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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