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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 766092" data-attributes="member: 18958">Well. There you are. This is my place to stand: Our adult children (almost all of them) can meet their own needs. They know how to get food, shelter, get on and pay for the bus, get medical care, etc. They are unmotivated for a variety of reasons. My son was in an orphanage his first 22 months. He was born drug exposed. Then when he was about 22 or 23 he had a brain injury.STill, he has free choice. In my state there are all kinds of services. He chooses to not avail himself of these. Bottom line:Many of our children are mentally ill. There may be complex reasons for them to chhose the bottom of the barrel, to live their lives. It helps them not one bit if we live our lives down there with them. It does not help them and no matter how much we suffer, by joining them we only reinforce their helplessness, lack of motivation, self-pity, dependency, sense that there is a free ride, and their self-indulgence. Sadness, sorrow and heartbreak do exist in the world. I would have liked a life with not so much of it. But this is real life we get. It is what it is.&nbsp; I think it is the right thing to do to protect ourselves. All of us have had quite enough suffering. We don't need more from our kids. It doesn't help them to hurt us. It really doesn't.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 766092, member: 18958"] Well. There you are. This is my place to stand: Our adult children (almost all of them) can meet their own needs. They know how to get food, shelter, get on and pay for the bus, get medical care, etc. They are unmotivated for a variety of reasons. My son was in an orphanage his first 22 months. He was born drug exposed. Then when he was about 22 or 23 he had a brain injury. STill, he has free choice. In my state there are all kinds of services. He chooses to not avail himself of these. Bottom line: Many of our children are mentally ill. There may be complex reasons for them to chhose the bottom of the barrel, to live their lives. It helps them not one bit if we live our lives down there with them. It does not help them and no matter how much we suffer, by joining them we only reinforce their helplessness, lack of motivation, self-pity, dependency, sense that there is a free ride, and their self-indulgence. Sadness, sorrow and heartbreak do exist in the world. I would have liked a life with not so much of it. But this is real life we get. It is what it is. I think it is the right thing to do to protect ourselves. All of us have had quite enough suffering. We don't need more from our kids. It doesn't help them to hurt us. It really doesn't. [/QUOTE]

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