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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 766099" data-attributes="member: 18958">Momma. The change has to come from you. We have to come to the point of realization that not thing we do or do not do will make a difference.&nbsp; Only they can make a difference.&nbsp; We have to come to the acceptance that we are worth protecting. Just that. That we deserve happiness.Good. Nothing about this is easy. Today my partner M asked if my son changed some if I would be willing to let him back into a property I own if my son paid the utilities. I said, blah blah blah blah: The list of the ways my son is unreliable and difficult and might cause problems with the other tenants. By the end of the conversation i had agreed to construct a small apartment where my son could leave and enter independent of the other tenants and have limited contact with them. This is aspirational. We've tried this 9, 8, 7, 6, 6, 4 and 3 years ago. It did not work. But the thing is, M says my son looks 40 (he just turned 36) and that his life is wearing on him physically. I am still his mother. I don't know what I would need to feel safe letting him into that apartment (I would have a property manager so I wouldn't have to deal with him myself), but if it did come to it it wouldn't be with the idea I could have any effect on him or how he lives, and the expectations would be in writing for him and for I. All I would want out of it is that he is safe and out of the street.I struggle with exactly the same things as you all. There is no place to stand of &quot;been there, done that.&quot; It's a spiral.I don't agree with this. The reason for you to change is based on your independent value in this life. We must take stands for ourselves, independent of whether they will change or no. They may never change. That doesn't mean we can't. We can be happy. We deserve safety and happiness.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 766099, member: 18958"] Momma. The change has to come from you. We have to come to the point of realization that not thing we do or do not do will make a difference. Only they can make a difference. We have to come to the acceptance that we are worth protecting. Just that. That we deserve happiness. Good. Nothing about this is easy. Today my partner M asked if my son changed some if I would be willing to let him back into a property I own if my son paid the utilities. I said, blah blah blah blah: The list of the ways my son is unreliable and difficult and might cause problems with the other tenants. By the end of the conversation i had agreed to construct a small apartment where my son could leave and enter independent of the other tenants and have limited contact with them. This is aspirational. We've tried this 9, 8, 7, 6, 6, 4 and 3 years ago. It did not work. But the thing is, M says my son looks 40 (he just turned 36) and that his life is wearing on him physically. I am still his mother. I don't know what I would need to feel safe letting him into that apartment (I would have a property manager so I wouldn't have to deal with him myself), but if it did come to it it wouldn't be with the idea I could have any effect on him or how he lives, and the expectations would be in writing for him and for I. All I would want out of it is that he is safe and out of the street. I struggle with exactly the same things as you all. There is no place to stand of "been there, done that." It's a spiral. I don't agree with this. The reason for you to change is based on your independent value in this life. We must take stands for ourselves, independent of whether they will change or no. They may never change. That doesn't mean we can't. We can be happy. We deserve safety and happiness. [/QUOTE]

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