I, too, am grieving the loss of my 32 year old son who has lied, stolen, and cheated me. I cannot get it out of my head how precious he was when he was little; but being away from me ( he is on another state) also allows my mind to START to recall times when I know he did not follow through with things as he got older, he procrastinated, made excuses, and blamed me for "caring too much" but also took advantage of me financially AND DOESN'T SEEM TO CARE! Where is that sweet little boy? He is in my heart and my dreams!
I do keep a picture of us together when he was about 10. I do that to remind myself that I have been (and still am a good Mom). It helps me with my grief, because I know I have to bury those dreams and come to the realization that I have been taken advantage of ( along with my family and friends), that it hurts, and I have ro keep seeking the light (my God) to get through this. This is not my fault, but I have enabled him, made excuses, taken up for him, anfd probably manipulated situations to get my needs met. I can't beat myself up. I am not getting a peace plant out of this from people as a gesture if he were to really be dead; however, as I am writing this, I see that I can give myself a peace plant....which I am going to wait until March 16th when he will be 33 years old. I also have to wait to get my budget straightened out, but getting a peace plant on March 16th will be a very helpful way for me to commemorate a burying of dreams, a nod to myself as a good Mom, and representationn that I can & will on....that I deserve PEACE!
