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Finally! People Who Understand!
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<blockquote data-quote="Chele" data-source="post: 91195" data-attributes="member: 4189"><p>rose2lily,</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the group. I am new to the post also. Our son's behavior began to change at 14. New (bad) friends, lower grades, skipping classes, refusing to get up to go to school. Then alcohol, weed and the big Coke began. We went to the Child and family Services for assistance for a case manager to help us to help him. That was when we got the first drug test. I never thought my son would get hooked on such bad stuff, I could hardly believe it. You have gotten some GREAT advice, I support all that has been suggested. We have really learned that we can not control our son, or make him listen or learn. So, we try to focus on what WE are willing to put up with, or allow in our home. We were lucky, he got arrested last year with weed and we got him on probation. This has not stopped him but it really has slowed him down on the drugs since he has returned from rehab and his boarding school. Unfortunately, now he is drinking and stealing. Just got incarcerated again last night. </p><p> We have a 13 yr daughter who has really felt the effects of her brother, so we have really tried to change the home environment to help with this. We stopped nagging, yelling and screaming. We just state the we will not allow something to take place and if he decides to do it, we will call the probation counselor. AND WE DO... One of his probation terms is to follow his home rules, curfew, being respectful, etc. And, since we call and meet with the counselor, she handles it, along with the judge and our son gets the consequences. So, it may seem stupid to you, but our house was out of control, completely. Go back and read everyones suggestions again and make a list to discuss with your husband and really start working on your home, other relationships and insuring that you don't let this over come your happiness. Make time to have fun, relax and start learning how to let go of your difficult child. That doesn't mean you don't care or love him, but you have to learn that you have to focus on the rest of the family and let the consequences of his actions fall on him.. Get lots of books, stay on the internet, and go to meetings or counseling, whatever works for you.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, stay in touch and share new challeges, We all can work together and learn from each other.</p><p></p><p>Chele</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Chele, post: 91195, member: 4189"] rose2lily, Welcome to the group. I am new to the post also. Our son's behavior began to change at 14. New (bad) friends, lower grades, skipping classes, refusing to get up to go to school. Then alcohol, weed and the big Coke began. We went to the Child and family Services for assistance for a case manager to help us to help him. That was when we got the first drug test. I never thought my son would get hooked on such bad stuff, I could hardly believe it. You have gotten some GREAT advice, I support all that has been suggested. We have really learned that we can not control our son, or make him listen or learn. So, we try to focus on what WE are willing to put up with, or allow in our home. We were lucky, he got arrested last year with weed and we got him on probation. This has not stopped him but it really has slowed him down on the drugs since he has returned from rehab and his boarding school. Unfortunately, now he is drinking and stealing. Just got incarcerated again last night. We have a 13 yr daughter who has really felt the effects of her brother, so we have really tried to change the home environment to help with this. We stopped nagging, yelling and screaming. We just state the we will not allow something to take place and if he decides to do it, we will call the probation counselor. AND WE DO... One of his probation terms is to follow his home rules, curfew, being respectful, etc. And, since we call and meet with the counselor, she handles it, along with the judge and our son gets the consequences. So, it may seem stupid to you, but our house was out of control, completely. Go back and read everyones suggestions again and make a list to discuss with your husband and really start working on your home, other relationships and insuring that you don't let this over come your happiness. Make time to have fun, relax and start learning how to let go of your difficult child. That doesn't mean you don't care or love him, but you have to learn that you have to focus on the rest of the family and let the consequences of his actions fall on him.. Get lots of books, stay on the internet, and go to meetings or counseling, whatever works for you. Good luck, stay in touch and share new challeges, We all can work together and learn from each other. Chele [/QUOTE]
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