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Parent Emeritus
First new thread in a while....hoping for support.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 703259" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi COM. I have been watching for you and waiting, and I am glad you are here. Thank you, as always, for your wisdom, acknowledgement and support.No. Yes. <em>Can I go and jump off the bridge, now?</em></p><p></p><p>We decided he cannot come back here. But there is the other house, which we bought with him in mind. So that he could have somewhere to stay, safe, where we had some authority and control--away from me.</p><p></p><p>That property has two different buildings. He will be in the smaller, which we have worked on very little, but it does have completely new electrical wiring, and we will put on a security door so that he can feel safe when he sleeps. He will be responsible to clean it, and little by little, if he stays there, we will remodel the space, and make it suitable to share with somebody else, as there are 2 bedrooms.</p><p></p><p>I was very clear to him (he just called) that M was reticent and had his doubts, and is on the fence. (This ruse we agreed upon M and I, kind of like good and bad cop, because the minute my son gets an inch he devours your arm.) An example, in the phone call where I reiterated the conditions: everything documented and confirmed by random drug tests, documentation he is getting medical and psychiatric treatment, bills paid, some productive goal identified and continuous work to realize it...like an idiot he says this: <em>after I have demonstrated I am doing this, will you guys relent on the marijuana? I feel that is fair.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And I say: J. You seem not to want to understand. You are free to use marijuana right now. Just not near me either using it or under the influence, or any space I control. Neither M or I will help or support you while you use drugs. And furthermore, by this comment you demonstrate a lack of acceptance of your situation and what will be required of you to work your way out of it. You have thousands of dollars of unpaid bills. You do not have a marketable skill that I am aware of to support yourself. Etcetera. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am not saying this to be critical or to pile on. But where is there space in this scenario to buy hundreds of dollars of marijuana which by my observation seems to be your primary motivation and goal? </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I cannot make a decision about your use of marijuana, but I can decide whether or not I let you stay at 20th or help you in any other way. You make your own decision about marijuana, but realize their will be consequences.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>It frustrates me that you seem not to accept or see that if you invested a year in learning a trade or in gaining entry into a good university, wherever you wanted to go--once productive and autonomous you could make every single call in your life, without necessity to adhere to my conditions, which I agree are not my right to make. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>It is only in my space, and wanting my help, that brings my right and obligation to set conditions for my own life. Which is what I am doing.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>When I told M about the marijuana comment he despaired: <em>He doesn't want to change</em>, M said. And I answered, <em>I am unsure if he is just a fool or there is some personality constraint, or both.</em></p><p></p><p>We are off to the races. Again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 703259, member: 18958"] Hi COM. I have been watching for you and waiting, and I am glad you are here. Thank you, as always, for your wisdom, acknowledgement and support.No. Yes. [I]Can I go and jump off the bridge, now?[/I] We decided he cannot come back here. But there is the other house, which we bought with him in mind. So that he could have somewhere to stay, safe, where we had some authority and control--away from me. That property has two different buildings. He will be in the smaller, which we have worked on very little, but it does have completely new electrical wiring, and we will put on a security door so that he can feel safe when he sleeps. He will be responsible to clean it, and little by little, if he stays there, we will remodel the space, and make it suitable to share with somebody else, as there are 2 bedrooms. I was very clear to him (he just called) that M was reticent and had his doubts, and is on the fence. (This ruse we agreed upon M and I, kind of like good and bad cop, because the minute my son gets an inch he devours your arm.) An example, in the phone call where I reiterated the conditions: everything documented and confirmed by random drug tests, documentation he is getting medical and psychiatric treatment, bills paid, some productive goal identified and continuous work to realize it...like an idiot he says this: [I]after I have demonstrated I am doing this, will you guys relent on the marijuana? I feel that is fair. And I say: J. You seem not to want to understand. You are free to use marijuana right now. Just not near me either using it or under the influence, or any space I control. Neither M or I will help or support you while you use drugs. And furthermore, by this comment you demonstrate a lack of acceptance of your situation and what will be required of you to work your way out of it. You have thousands of dollars of unpaid bills. You do not have a marketable skill that I am aware of to support yourself. Etcetera. I am not saying this to be critical or to pile on. But where is there space in this scenario to buy hundreds of dollars of marijuana which by my observation seems to be your primary motivation and goal? I cannot make a decision about your use of marijuana, but I can decide whether or not I let you stay at 20th or help you in any other way. You make your own decision about marijuana, but realize their will be consequences. It frustrates me that you seem not to accept or see that if you invested a year in learning a trade or in gaining entry into a good university, wherever you wanted to go--once productive and autonomous you could make every single call in your life, without necessity to adhere to my conditions, which I agree are not my right to make. It is only in my space, and wanting my help, that brings my right and obligation to set conditions for my own life. Which is what I am doing. [/I] When I told M about the marijuana comment he despaired: [I]He doesn't want to change[/I], M said. And I answered, [I]I am unsure if he is just a fool or there is some personality constraint, or both.[/I] We are off to the races. Again. [/QUOTE]
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