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Family of Origin
FOO bad affects on our own children...did it happen?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 674346" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p><em><strong>"New Leaf, post: 674344, member: 19522"]What happened to them in their FOO</strong></em>s"</p><p></p><p>Leafie, don't take this as criticism of what you said. I know you are vry sensitive.</p><p></p><p>You are not wrong. We just see it differently, which is ok. I see it like this.</p><p></p><p>My mother called me horrid names nonstop. My parents fought when they were together, which wasn't often. My mom never liked me and encouraged my siblings to turn on me.</p><p></p><p>To my own dear children, I could have done the same thing and blamed my upbringing, but this didn't happen in my family of choice. Instead, I deliberately would think, "I will NOT be like my mother" and I wasn't. The extremely few times I forgot and used a name, I immediately apologized and added I had no right to say that and ask for forgiveness. But this was very rare as the namecalling/belittling was heavily on my mind.</p><p></p><p>We all make choices about how to raise our kids. If we didn't like how we were raised we don't have to duplicate it. We can do better. I don't excuse my FOO, even if I know my mother was treated as second fiddle to her brother and felt minimized as a child. To me, she could have said to herself, "I will NEVER favor one child over the other or make any of my children feel rotten." She chose to duplicate her own upbringing. I put the blame on her shoulders.</p><p></p><p>Again, this is not criticism. It is just how I see things. Our behavior is a personal choice. There are plenty of things I've done I wish I had not done/chosen differently. Not copying my mother was the smartest thing I ever did though. Even though it was all I'd seen of parenting as a child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 674346, member: 1550"] [I][B]"New Leaf, post: 674344, member: 19522"]What happened to them in their FOO[/B][/I]s" Leafie, don't take this as criticism of what you said. I know you are vry sensitive. You are not wrong. We just see it differently, which is ok. I see it like this. My mother called me horrid names nonstop. My parents fought when they were together, which wasn't often. My mom never liked me and encouraged my siblings to turn on me. To my own dear children, I could have done the same thing and blamed my upbringing, but this didn't happen in my family of choice. Instead, I deliberately would think, "I will NOT be like my mother" and I wasn't. The extremely few times I forgot and used a name, I immediately apologized and added I had no right to say that and ask for forgiveness. But this was very rare as the namecalling/belittling was heavily on my mind. We all make choices about how to raise our kids. If we didn't like how we were raised we don't have to duplicate it. We can do better. I don't excuse my FOO, even if I know my mother was treated as second fiddle to her brother and felt minimized as a child. To me, she could have said to herself, "I will NEVER favor one child over the other or make any of my children feel rotten." She chose to duplicate her own upbringing. I put the blame on her shoulders. Again, this is not criticism. It is just how I see things. Our behavior is a personal choice. There are plenty of things I've done I wish I had not done/chosen differently. Not copying my mother was the smartest thing I ever did though. Even though it was all I'd seen of parenting as a child. [/QUOTE]
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FOO bad affects on our own children...did it happen?
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