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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651095" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks again for a beautiful post that showed more clarity to me.</p><p></p><p>I am glad me and my sibs did not make a pact. It would not have worked, just as yours didn't. It is too hard to deal with members of your DNA collection when you have been twisted against one another, when you are all clamoring for attention and approval from the same person who gives it to some and not the others and when you have been brought up to turn against one another.</p><p></p><p>In our family of three kids, my sister would have made that impossible. First she turned venom on my brother, then on me. I could not have controlled her. She was pretty young when she started doing that stuff and with each cut off and each dramatic call to the cops, I trusted her less and less. Now a normal person would have been leery of her the first time she did a cut off or called the cops. But I was desperate to be liked by somebody in my DNA collection. So she had many chances with me, but each cut off made me see her less and less as a good person, while I was a "bad" person, and more and more as screwed up. She held a lot of herself in until her divorce and then she let me get a good glimpse at her. This is what I saw.</p><p></p><p>You have to understand, I have a very strong moral code so it shocked me, whereas it may not have shocked somebody else.</p><p></p><p>The first person my sister took up with, after the divorce, was a married man. In her opinion she was just using him for sexual experience, but I could tell she really liked him and if he didn't call her, he could make her cry. I was horrified that she was dating a married man. I didn't care if his wife didn't know. I didn't care if he was doing it too. I didn't care if other people did it. I cared that my sister was doing it. He was lying to his wife and she was daring to go to church yet go out with this married man and have sex with him. And she never did see anything wrong with it. It taught her about sex. He was GOOD at it and she had had twenty years with her sexually inept ex. He was her teacher. Screw his wife and child. Yes, he also had a two year old child. But who cares?</p><p></p><p>Yay, it's all about her. She is a lot narcissistic, although I did not see it until in hindsight. I didn't WANT to see it, but...to me you don't date a married man. Only a sleazeball does that and doesn't even have a pang of regret or thought for the wife. Made me sick. I had to listen to her mantra about him until she found somebody else. She could not be without a man. She thought it was normal to not be able to be without a man. She thinks most woman are like that. Maybe they are.</p><p></p><p>About her second lover, whom she claimed she had fell madly in love with. All I can say about him was, although he had alcohol blackouts and was neurotic and abusive and would never let her go, at least he was single...lolol. What a mess she is, still dieting below 100 lbs. at 55 years of age. Sad. She is a sad person. And she judges me...lol. And once I cared...lol.</p><p></p><p>Oh boy. I get tired when we started talking about our mutually dysfunctional families-of-origin. I feel really badly for you because you were so nice. Honestly, I wasn't as nice as you. I was just...needy to have certain people in my family like me.</p><p></p><p>I still have the last text conversation with my sister. I had gotten so sick of hearing about abusive boyfriend that I finally set a boundary and said I could not stand to hear about him anymore. He was going to hurt her some day...hello, he was already hurting her all the time and she could date her forever if she wanted, but I didn't want to hear about him anymore.</p><p></p><p>Her: But he's a big part of my life. You're trying to control me.</p><p></p><p>Me: I'm setting a boundary. (Now in a way a boundary is control. Oh, well. I was doing what I needed to do for me.)</p><p></p><p>Her: If you won't listen to me talk about him, then I can't talk to you.</p><p></p><p>Me: That's your decision.</p><p></p><p>(This above conversation was a combination of many and not word for word, but it was the cause of the last cut off).</p><p></p><p>I have not heard from her since, except for those phony two texts about my health, which I'm sure she worries about endlessly...lolol.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to know what she's doing or who she is doing it with. I feel like throwing up hearing details of relationships with married men and abusive, alcoholic lovers (that she claims aren't alcoholics). It was an every day update. Even she knew they were not good men, but I guess part of her sickness is jerky men and an inability to care about the wives of married men. And, of course, not being able to be without jerky men. Now no matter how mean Jerky Lover was to her, she never ever cut him off. Nope. But she cut ME off at least ten times, if not more. So it was very deliberate and personal and mean and really just for me. Or maybe if you are a man, married or jerk or not, and she finds you hot, then you can REALLY abuse her and she will never cut you off. She will never call the cops. Not even when you try to break up with him and he shows up at your work (stalking?"). Nope. She didn't cut the married jerk off or the unmarried jerk. She just cried when they hurt her. I call it karma.</p><p></p><p>I always did find it interesting that JerkI and II could insult her to no end all the time and she never ever told them "I'm not talking to you for a year." She just did that to me for offenses that were much less....offensive. The claws were out, but only for me. But, again, she is getting a taste of it herself now and I'm not crying for her.</p><p></p><p>Blah!!!! Gotta go now. Getting tired. Thank you so much for helping me see the way it is and why we are what we are and did what we did.</p><p></p><p>by the way, this time my letter and pictures didn't work and Dad is still not calling me. I just thought about that. Well, that is his decision. I'm going to sleep <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Have a good night, my friend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651095, member: 1550"] Thanks again for a beautiful post that showed more clarity to me. I am glad me and my sibs did not make a pact. It would not have worked, just as yours didn't. It is too hard to deal with members of your DNA collection when you have been twisted against one another, when you are all clamoring for attention and approval from the same person who gives it to some and not the others and when you have been brought up to turn against one another. In our family of three kids, my sister would have made that impossible. First she turned venom on my brother, then on me. I could not have controlled her. She was pretty young when she started doing that stuff and with each cut off and each dramatic call to the cops, I trusted her less and less. Now a normal person would have been leery of her the first time she did a cut off or called the cops. But I was desperate to be liked by somebody in my DNA collection. So she had many chances with me, but each cut off made me see her less and less as a good person, while I was a "bad" person, and more and more as screwed up. She held a lot of herself in until her divorce and then she let me get a good glimpse at her. This is what I saw. You have to understand, I have a very strong moral code so it shocked me, whereas it may not have shocked somebody else. The first person my sister took up with, after the divorce, was a married man. In her opinion she was just using him for sexual experience, but I could tell she really liked him and if he didn't call her, he could make her cry. I was horrified that she was dating a married man. I didn't care if his wife didn't know. I didn't care if he was doing it too. I didn't care if other people did it. I cared that my sister was doing it. He was lying to his wife and she was daring to go to church yet go out with this married man and have sex with him. And she never did see anything wrong with it. It taught her about sex. He was GOOD at it and she had had twenty years with her sexually inept ex. He was her teacher. Screw his wife and child. Yes, he also had a two year old child. But who cares? Yay, it's all about her. She is a lot narcissistic, although I did not see it until in hindsight. I didn't WANT to see it, but...to me you don't date a married man. Only a sleazeball does that and doesn't even have a pang of regret or thought for the wife. Made me sick. I had to listen to her mantra about him until she found somebody else. She could not be without a man. She thought it was normal to not be able to be without a man. She thinks most woman are like that. Maybe they are. About her second lover, whom she claimed she had fell madly in love with. All I can say about him was, although he had alcohol blackouts and was neurotic and abusive and would never let her go, at least he was single...lolol. What a mess she is, still dieting below 100 lbs. at 55 years of age. Sad. She is a sad person. And she judges me...lol. And once I cared...lol. Oh boy. I get tired when we started talking about our mutually dysfunctional families-of-origin. I feel really badly for you because you were so nice. Honestly, I wasn't as nice as you. I was just...needy to have certain people in my family like me. I still have the last text conversation with my sister. I had gotten so sick of hearing about abusive boyfriend that I finally set a boundary and said I could not stand to hear about him anymore. He was going to hurt her some day...hello, he was already hurting her all the time and she could date her forever if she wanted, but I didn't want to hear about him anymore. Her: But he's a big part of my life. You're trying to control me. Me: I'm setting a boundary. (Now in a way a boundary is control. Oh, well. I was doing what I needed to do for me.) Her: If you won't listen to me talk about him, then I can't talk to you. Me: That's your decision. (This above conversation was a combination of many and not word for word, but it was the cause of the last cut off). I have not heard from her since, except for those phony two texts about my health, which I'm sure she worries about endlessly...lolol. I don't want to know what she's doing or who she is doing it with. I feel like throwing up hearing details of relationships with married men and abusive, alcoholic lovers (that she claims aren't alcoholics). It was an every day update. Even she knew they were not good men, but I guess part of her sickness is jerky men and an inability to care about the wives of married men. And, of course, not being able to be without jerky men. Now no matter how mean Jerky Lover was to her, she never ever cut him off. Nope. But she cut ME off at least ten times, if not more. So it was very deliberate and personal and mean and really just for me. Or maybe if you are a man, married or jerk or not, and she finds you hot, then you can REALLY abuse her and she will never cut you off. She will never call the cops. Not even when you try to break up with him and he shows up at your work (stalking?"). Nope. She didn't cut the married jerk off or the unmarried jerk. She just cried when they hurt her. I call it karma. I always did find it interesting that JerkI and II could insult her to no end all the time and she never ever told them "I'm not talking to you for a year." She just did that to me for offenses that were much less....offensive. The claws were out, but only for me. But, again, she is getting a taste of it herself now and I'm not crying for her. Blah!!!! Gotta go now. Getting tired. Thank you so much for helping me see the way it is and why we are what we are and did what we did. by the way, this time my letter and pictures didn't work and Dad is still not calling me. I just thought about that. Well, that is his decision. I'm going to sleep :) Have a good night, my friend. [/QUOTE]
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