Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651130" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar...thanks again. I like the idea that my sister, who is 6 1/2 years younger than me, could see me an authority figure for rebellion as she would not dare cause discord with mother, whom she craved love from (she did not realize that for my mother love had conditions on it).</p><p></p><p>I have stopped wishing that my family was different, at least in a wistful way. When I married my first husband, honestly what attracted to him the most was his warm, close family. I adored his mother. She became my role model...thankfully I look to her still, even though she has been in that other world for so long...I think about how she treated her family and I try to be like her. I could never be that gracious or tactful or likeable, but I CAN treat my adult children the way she treated hers. I CAN treat their significant others the way she treated me. She was a blessing. I'm sure she's an angel now.</p><p></p><p>I think, after my first marriage ended in divorce, and I remarried my now husband, a lot of my hostility left me and I transferred the idea of "family" away from the scary DNA collection of my origin to the family I had with my husband and children. It wasn't perfect. Goneboy left (of course he came to us late and under unusual circumstances so I was able to accept it). Other than that, my husband and children were wonderful and loved me and I felt that empty pit in my stomach that used to be a part of my life fill up and disappear. I no longer feel that emptiness where love should be. This made it possible to stop trying to get love from at least one person from my DNA. I can't play games anymore. I'm tired of it.</p><p></p><p>If I have a flaw that I'm not inclined to try to change, it is my strong moral code. I am very flexible. I don't judge, for example, gay people. I think of them like I think about any person. I do not judge people who are different or disabled or not attractive. I have a tendency, from years of my mother's "fat" obsession ringing in my ears, to judge overweight people, although I have been grossly overweight too. I do try to control and not judge weight. I try to judge heart. However, I do judge those who cheat on their spouses or date married people. It makes me sick. Half these people also claim to have good morals...lol. I can't think of anything worse than contributing to the destruction of a family, which is what any cheating is about. That was a hard time to talk to Sis. I don't know how I got through it. Yet I did. Then when she pranced on to another fool, even though he was unmarried, I couldn't take it anymore. Did she not have any moral? Any honor? Any caring for anyone's needs but her own?</p><p></p><p>I also tend to judge harshly those who drink too much and I feel sister would drink or be with drinkers then get into trouble because they were all sloshed then whine to me about it. Yay, well, when you are all drinking, somebody's husband may try to feel you up. You don't like it? Don't hang with drinkers. That's the solution. If you still want to, guess what? It will happen again. I have a low tolerance for people who do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I'm not even sure she didn't like the attention, even though they were drunk. She did like any male attention she could get. Her looks seem to be a huge part of her identity (which goes along with her lifelong eating disorder that she thinks she has licked).</p><p></p><p>I sure got off track. Now that I finally know and understand my sister better, it is freeing to me to post about the stuff she did that I felt was so wrong, yet I listened to her talk about it ad nauseum.</p><p></p><p>Back to that family of origin. Yes, I craved a better one once. Not anymore. I feel I am stronger for having survived that degree of dysfunction and that what I have now is better. Secretly, I feel that, in the sibling, race, I won. I have the loving husband of twenty years, the loving and great children, the cute grandchildren, the whole nine yards. And my sister? She doesn't have what she wanted the most when she left her marriage. My brother is content, but he also doesn't have a family. He is an adored teacher, but has never had a long term significant other (or any at all, as far as anyone knows). He has been ill with Crohns which I consider on a par with my mental illness. No better, but no worse. He allowed his illness to keep people at bay. Thank God I did not do that. Thank God I let others in because they are wonderful.</p><p></p><p>Thank God YOU are on this board. I feel like I should pay you for psychiatric services <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> You rock for listening to my ramblings and for your awesome, awesome, wise and brilliant feedback. Thank you for being my board friend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651130, member: 1550"] Cedar...thanks again. I like the idea that my sister, who is 6 1/2 years younger than me, could see me an authority figure for rebellion as she would not dare cause discord with mother, whom she craved love from (she did not realize that for my mother love had conditions on it). I have stopped wishing that my family was different, at least in a wistful way. When I married my first husband, honestly what attracted to him the most was his warm, close family. I adored his mother. She became my role model...thankfully I look to her still, even though she has been in that other world for so long...I think about how she treated her family and I try to be like her. I could never be that gracious or tactful or likeable, but I CAN treat my adult children the way she treated hers. I CAN treat their significant others the way she treated me. She was a blessing. I'm sure she's an angel now. I think, after my first marriage ended in divorce, and I remarried my now husband, a lot of my hostility left me and I transferred the idea of "family" away from the scary DNA collection of my origin to the family I had with my husband and children. It wasn't perfect. Goneboy left (of course he came to us late and under unusual circumstances so I was able to accept it). Other than that, my husband and children were wonderful and loved me and I felt that empty pit in my stomach that used to be a part of my life fill up and disappear. I no longer feel that emptiness where love should be. This made it possible to stop trying to get love from at least one person from my DNA. I can't play games anymore. I'm tired of it. If I have a flaw that I'm not inclined to try to change, it is my strong moral code. I am very flexible. I don't judge, for example, gay people. I think of them like I think about any person. I do not judge people who are different or disabled or not attractive. I have a tendency, from years of my mother's "fat" obsession ringing in my ears, to judge overweight people, although I have been grossly overweight too. I do try to control and not judge weight. I try to judge heart. However, I do judge those who cheat on their spouses or date married people. It makes me sick. Half these people also claim to have good morals...lol. I can't think of anything worse than contributing to the destruction of a family, which is what any cheating is about. That was a hard time to talk to Sis. I don't know how I got through it. Yet I did. Then when she pranced on to another fool, even though he was unmarried, I couldn't take it anymore. Did she not have any moral? Any honor? Any caring for anyone's needs but her own? I also tend to judge harshly those who drink too much and I feel sister would drink or be with drinkers then get into trouble because they were all sloshed then whine to me about it. Yay, well, when you are all drinking, somebody's husband may try to feel you up. You don't like it? Don't hang with drinkers. That's the solution. If you still want to, guess what? It will happen again. I have a low tolerance for people who do the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I'm not even sure she didn't like the attention, even though they were drunk. She did like any male attention she could get. Her looks seem to be a huge part of her identity (which goes along with her lifelong eating disorder that she thinks she has licked). I sure got off track. Now that I finally know and understand my sister better, it is freeing to me to post about the stuff she did that I felt was so wrong, yet I listened to her talk about it ad nauseum. Back to that family of origin. Yes, I craved a better one once. Not anymore. I feel I am stronger for having survived that degree of dysfunction and that what I have now is better. Secretly, I feel that, in the sibling, race, I won. I have the loving husband of twenty years, the loving and great children, the cute grandchildren, the whole nine yards. And my sister? She doesn't have what she wanted the most when she left her marriage. My brother is content, but he also doesn't have a family. He is an adored teacher, but has never had a long term significant other (or any at all, as far as anyone knows). He has been ill with Crohns which I consider on a par with my mental illness. No better, but no worse. He allowed his illness to keep people at bay. Thank God I did not do that. Thank God I let others in because they are wonderful. Thank God YOU are on this board. I feel like I should pay you for psychiatric services ;) You rock for listening to my ramblings and for your awesome, awesome, wise and brilliant feedback. Thank you for being my board friend. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
Top