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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 651174" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>After my father's death, we saw the same kinds of behaviors ~ the need for male approval, blatant playing off of one child against the other over who would get my father's expensive toys, favoritism of grands and a kind of basking in the glow of new widowhood, from my mother. There was a time I would not let myself see what I saw. </p><p></p><p>But it was very disturbing, and got to the point that my mother would say the strangest things about jealousy between my sister and myself, and rotten things about D H (and whichever child of mine or my sister's ~ or, my brother's, was messing up, currently).</p><p></p><p>She was just very mean about everyone, including her own friends.</p><p></p><p>Alot of resentment, and of using people.</p><p></p><p>And yet, my mom can be the cutest little thing you ever saw. But she is not someone you would want to let your guard down around, ever.</p><p></p><p>And then, I could see how similar my mom and my sister are, in their views of the world and how it works and what matters.</p><p></p><p>Could it be the same genetic thing with your family of origin, MWM?</p><p></p><p>I swear, sometimes my family is just mean to be mean. It's like they rip into anyone they perceive themselves to have power over, and they see the world in just that way.</p><p></p><p>The exaggerated eye roll is big, at my sister's house.</p><p></p><p>So hurtful!</p><p></p><p>But to watch, and to know what I am seeing without covering it or excusing it <em>or feeling the need to do anything about it at all</em>, that is what forgiving myself means.</p><p></p><p>Like me, they are who they choose to be.</p><p></p><p>That does not mean I have to like it. </p><p></p><p>Nor do I require myself to wrap my heart around them, somehow.</p><p></p><p>I am still surprised at some of the things I know. But even over time, they do seem to be true things.</p><p></p><p>Isn't that strange.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 651174, member: 17461"] After my father's death, we saw the same kinds of behaviors ~ the need for male approval, blatant playing off of one child against the other over who would get my father's expensive toys, favoritism of grands and a kind of basking in the glow of new widowhood, from my mother. There was a time I would not let myself see what I saw. But it was very disturbing, and got to the point that my mother would say the strangest things about jealousy between my sister and myself, and rotten things about D H (and whichever child of mine or my sister's ~ or, my brother's, was messing up, currently). She was just very mean about everyone, including her own friends. Alot of resentment, and of using people. And yet, my mom can be the cutest little thing you ever saw. But she is not someone you would want to let your guard down around, ever. And then, I could see how similar my mom and my sister are, in their views of the world and how it works and what matters. Could it be the same genetic thing with your family of origin, MWM? I swear, sometimes my family is just mean to be mean. It's like they rip into anyone they perceive themselves to have power over, and they see the world in just that way. The exaggerated eye roll is big, at my sister's house. So hurtful! But to watch, and to know what I am seeing without covering it or excusing it [I]or feeling the need to do anything about it at all[/I], that is what forgiving myself means. Like me, they are who they choose to be. That does not mean I have to like it. Nor do I require myself to wrap my heart around them, somehow. I am still surprised at some of the things I know. But even over time, they do seem to be true things. Isn't that strange. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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