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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 651272" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Could she find favor, MWM...or had she dominated the mother to the point that the mother could no longer stop her?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>So, you do love and feel protective of this sister ~ even to the point of risking your relationship to your mother to stand up for your younger sister. <em>Yet you were discounted and made to feel as though you do not matter, are unimportant or even, invisible.</em></p><p></p><p>Do you see this, MWM?</p><p></p><p>Here is the crux of the issue that you need to know. You are not able to see it, through the way you were taught to see yourself in your family of origin. The members who are most similar battling it out in ways you cannot begin to understand. (Me either, I don't get so much of this, of the why it matters, either.) The mother the sister wants all to herself, and then, wants to destroy, and the mother who is playing the same game. The game seems to be "You do not matter. Only I matter."</p><p></p><p>My mom and my sister get into it all the time over my mother's boyfriends. I mean knock down, drag out fights over who has the greater right to my mother.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>In my family of origin, I am described as the romantic one, the idealistic one, the little on the naive and foolish side one.</p><p></p><p>And you know?</p><p></p><p>I believed that was true about me, all of my life.</p><p></p><p>But I am really smart, so at least I had that.</p><p></p><p>Turns out I am not bad looking, either.</p><p></p><p>Hot damn!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. And it is something worse than meanness.</p><p></p><p>That is why we no longer need to take it seriously. We can be as healthy as we want to because they were never right.</p><p></p><p>They were wrong, and they lied and lied and lied, all along.</p><p></p><p>Drat it all!</p><p></p><p>Oh, but good for us for having the courage to confront it all, once we had a reason to do so. We (I think this is true for you, too) have been happy with our families, with loving them the way we do, even though there is enough sadness and pain there to break us wide open multiple times. (That is why I have velcro holding my insides in, now. When difficult child daughter gets into a thing? I just unvelcro my liver and toss it out there so I can get myself back into balance. That was a joke. If it does not begin to seem more funny to me, I will take it out.)</p><p></p><p>Where was I.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm sorry, MWM. But I think the little kid inside her needs a worse word than scapegoat. She does not know you are real. </p><p></p><p>Hers is a shattered reality, and happiness is impossible for her.</p><p></p><p>I think this is true.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how to help.</p><p></p><p>But I do know that if we are healthy ourselves, maybe then something will occur to us. What we have been doing isn't helping.</p><p></p><p>It is only making us sick, too.</p><p></p><p>Just like the story about the mother dog who could not use her hind legs giving birth to puppies, every one of which learned to walk dragging their hind legs, too.</p><p></p><p>We are (I am) like that. </p><p></p><p>Imagine what it will be, MWM, to run.</p><p></p><p>After a lifetime of not knowing who we were.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think that is true. What I don't understand is what is the payoff. Why would you have friends you do not respect, or find interesting and pleasurable. Why have them in your life? A sister or a brother or a mom ~ that is one thing. We want family. But why hate your own friends to the point you wish to see them destroyed?</p><p></p><p>And it always surprises me that my mom cannot see that the people she is talking to about the supposed friend know exactly what she is doing.</p><p></p><p>Or they do, soon enough.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Then you will need to decide how you want this to be. <em>Your sister has what she wants, what she wanted, all along.</em> I don't know why. What I do know is that this is fertile ground for you to learn and see and heal.</p><p></p><p>Guess what? So, the phone rang this morning and it was someone from my sister's. I got a shock, like an electric shock, because I am saying bad things.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/nervoussmiley.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":nervoussmiley:" title="nervoussmiley :nervoussmiley:" data-shortname=":nervoussmiley:" /></p><p></p><p>So, I hopped on my Harley.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/mcsmiley1.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":mcsmiley1:" title="mcsmiley1 :mcsmiley1:" data-shortname=":mcsmiley1:" /></p><p></p><p>You came, too.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/mcsmiley1.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":mcsmiley1:" title="mcsmiley1 :mcsmiley1:" data-shortname=":mcsmiley1:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/mcsmiley1.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":mcsmiley1:" title="mcsmiley1 :mcsmiley1:" data-shortname=":mcsmiley1:" /></p><p></p><p>Whew!</p><p></p><p>That was a close one.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 651272, member: 17461"] Could she find favor, MWM...or had she dominated the mother to the point that the mother could no longer stop her? So, you do love and feel protective of this sister ~ even to the point of risking your relationship to your mother to stand up for your younger sister. [I]Yet you were discounted and made to feel as though you do not matter, are unimportant or even, invisible.[/I] Do you see this, MWM? Here is the crux of the issue that you need to know. You are not able to see it, through the way you were taught to see yourself in your family of origin. The members who are most similar battling it out in ways you cannot begin to understand. (Me either, I don't get so much of this, of the why it matters, either.) The mother the sister wants all to herself, and then, wants to destroy, and the mother who is playing the same game. The game seems to be "You do not matter. Only I matter." My mom and my sister get into it all the time over my mother's boyfriends. I mean knock down, drag out fights over who has the greater right to my mother. ? In my family of origin, I am described as the romantic one, the idealistic one, the little on the naive and foolish side one. And you know? I believed that was true about me, all of my life. But I am really smart, so at least I had that. Turns out I am not bad looking, either. Hot damn! I agree. And it is something worse than meanness. That is why we no longer need to take it seriously. We can be as healthy as we want to because they were never right. They were wrong, and they lied and lied and lied, all along. Drat it all! Oh, but good for us for having the courage to confront it all, once we had a reason to do so. We (I think this is true for you, too) have been happy with our families, with loving them the way we do, even though there is enough sadness and pain there to break us wide open multiple times. (That is why I have velcro holding my insides in, now. When difficult child daughter gets into a thing? I just unvelcro my liver and toss it out there so I can get myself back into balance. That was a joke. If it does not begin to seem more funny to me, I will take it out.) Where was I. I'm sorry, MWM. But I think the little kid inside her needs a worse word than scapegoat. She does not know you are real. Hers is a shattered reality, and happiness is impossible for her. I think this is true. I don't know how to help. But I do know that if we are healthy ourselves, maybe then something will occur to us. What we have been doing isn't helping. It is only making us sick, too. Just like the story about the mother dog who could not use her hind legs giving birth to puppies, every one of which learned to walk dragging their hind legs, too. We are (I am) like that. Imagine what it will be, MWM, to run. After a lifetime of not knowing who we were. I think that is true. What I don't understand is what is the payoff. Why would you have friends you do not respect, or find interesting and pleasurable. Why have them in your life? A sister or a brother or a mom ~ that is one thing. We want family. But why hate your own friends to the point you wish to see them destroyed? And it always surprises me that my mom cannot see that the people she is talking to about the supposed friend know exactly what she is doing. Or they do, soon enough. Then you will need to decide how you want this to be. [I]Your sister has what she wants, what she wanted, all along.[/I] I don't know why. What I do know is that this is fertile ground for you to learn and see and heal. Guess what? So, the phone rang this morning and it was someone from my sister's. I got a shock, like an electric shock, because I am saying bad things. :nervoussmiley: So, I hopped on my Harley. :mcsmiley1: You came, too. :mcsmiley1::mcsmiley1: Whew! That was a close one. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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