Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 651280" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>To me, this speaks more about the balance of power between your mother and your sister than it does about the shame of having to interact with your own mother (or for me, with mine) through a sibling. </p><p></p><p>This is their game. </p><p></p><p>You are not like them. You would never know there was a game, let alone understand the game, or its rules, or the prize in it.</p><p></p><p>Even if the prize fell into your lap, you would not see power over as a win. Each of us has things she is proud of, but very few of us use those things we are good at to destroy our "enemies". Most often, we tend not to take our "enemies" seriously.</p><p></p><p>But it seems they take us very seriously, indeed. </p><p></p><p>We may not see that they are trying to weaken or confuse us until their behaviors, their criticisms and ever-escalating demands that we believe as they do and behave accordingly, become too blatant to ignore.</p><p></p><p>We may not understand why they betray or turn things around on us. So, we try to figure out what we did wrong and the next thing you know, we are no longer in control of ourselves. Our locus of control is "out there."</p><p></p><p>Which is exactly what the power over people in our lives want.</p><p></p><p>We can undo it, MWM.</p><p></p><p>Each of us was gifted with free will. That means we have a responsibility to ourselves to see our gifts, and to believe in and use them. When we have been routinely disparaged, it is difficult to believe we have any particular gifts, at all.</p><p></p><p>That is how it is for me, anyway.</p><p></p><p>But each of us, all of us, have so many gifts.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>What was the relationship between your mom and your sister like, MWM? If you had not been there to dump the negatives on, what would have happened between your mom and the sister?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you respected yourself enough to try to figure out something irrational that happened <em>to you.</em> How is it these weird, crazy-making things kept happening <em>to you?</em> So you sought to answer that question, MWM...but you did not know you were the normal, bright, engaging, intelligent one.</p><p></p><p>I think you will see differently, soon.</p><p></p><p>No more self-condemnation.</p><p></p><p>That was a lie your sister and your mom needed to make themselves look normal.</p><p></p><p>Gaslighting MWM, and it worked.</p><p></p><p>And that was your life they sacrificed.</p><p></p><p>And they were wrong to do that, wrong to require that of you.</p><p></p><p>But now, the worst of it is over, and you get to awaken and fall in love with yourself.</p><p></p><p>And at the end of it, you will love your sister, too.</p><p></p><p>That is what I am realizing, as I post about my own sister to you. I do love her, I cherish her, and I wish it had all been so different for us.</p><p></p><p>Good. I dislike the feeling of being angry, or of feeling taken advantage of. The past cannot be relived, but there is the future, bright and warm and free as can be.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 651280, member: 17461"] To me, this speaks more about the balance of power between your mother and your sister than it does about the shame of having to interact with your own mother (or for me, with mine) through a sibling. This is their game. You are not like them. You would never know there was a game, let alone understand the game, or its rules, or the prize in it. Even if the prize fell into your lap, you would not see power over as a win. Each of us has things she is proud of, but very few of us use those things we are good at to destroy our "enemies". Most often, we tend not to take our "enemies" seriously. But it seems they take us very seriously, indeed. We may not see that they are trying to weaken or confuse us until their behaviors, their criticisms and ever-escalating demands that we believe as they do and behave accordingly, become too blatant to ignore. We may not understand why they betray or turn things around on us. So, we try to figure out what we did wrong and the next thing you know, we are no longer in control of ourselves. Our locus of control is "out there." Which is exactly what the power over people in our lives want. We can undo it, MWM. Each of us was gifted with free will. That means we have a responsibility to ourselves to see our gifts, and to believe in and use them. When we have been routinely disparaged, it is difficult to believe we have any particular gifts, at all. That is how it is for me, anyway. But each of us, all of us, have so many gifts. *** What was the relationship between your mom and your sister like, MWM? If you had not been there to dump the negatives on, what would have happened between your mom and the sister? I think you respected yourself enough to try to figure out something irrational that happened [I]to you.[/I] How is it these weird, crazy-making things kept happening [I]to you?[/I] So you sought to answer that question, MWM...but you did not know you were the normal, bright, engaging, intelligent one. I think you will see differently, soon. No more self-condemnation. That was a lie your sister and your mom needed to make themselves look normal. Gaslighting MWM, and it worked. And that was your life they sacrificed. And they were wrong to do that, wrong to require that of you. But now, the worst of it is over, and you get to awaken and fall in love with yourself. And at the end of it, you will love your sister, too. That is what I am realizing, as I post about my own sister to you. I do love her, I cherish her, and I wish it had all been so different for us. Good. I dislike the feeling of being angry, or of feeling taken advantage of. The past cannot be relived, but there is the future, bright and warm and free as can be. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
Top