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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 651282" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Not unless you were like her. You are not like her. You don't understand her. But nature is cruel. We don't get a free pass because we refuse to believe what we see could be true.</p><p></p><p>Like Maya tells us: Believe them the first time they tell you who they are.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for the hurt of it, MWM.</p><p></p><p>It hurts me, too.</p><p></p><p>*** </p><p></p><p>But in acknowledging what really happened to me, there is compassion. Not only for all of us, but for me, myself, close up and in person.</p><p></p><p>And so, I get to be real, to that degree. And if I can confront it once I know what is true about the things that happened, then I can be free from what they told me about who I was.</p><p></p><p>Back when I was first going through the whole physical abuse recovery over the things my mother had done, I would envision myself as an adult, standing next to the little girl I was as the trauma happened. I would assure the child that we had lived, and that I knew, and that I witnessed for her.</p><p></p><p>And I had to do that MWM, because when I remember how it was, it seems insane. I wonder what is wrong with me, that I think like that.</p><p></p><p>But the symptoms are there, the scars are there.</p><p></p><p>It did happen.</p><p></p><p>So I can heal from it now, because I know what is true and what was never correct or of value.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to add that my mom said those same kinds of cruel things. I think the most damaging was "Just don't think, Cedar." She would say that all the time, with such contempt in her voice.</p><p></p><p>I did not know I could think MWM, for the longest time. It was freeing, in a way. I could think whatever I wanted, without judging myself if it didn't make sense.</p><p></p><p>"Just don't think, Cedar."</p><p></p><p>It was very important that she used my name, when she said those words.</p><p></p><p>Such contempt.</p><p></p><p>Ouch.</p><p></p><p>But the shame is hers, not mine.</p><p></p><p>I was a little girl.</p><p></p><p>Just a little girl.</p><p></p><p>So were you, MWM.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 651282, member: 17461"] Not unless you were like her. You are not like her. You don't understand her. But nature is cruel. We don't get a free pass because we refuse to believe what we see could be true. Like Maya tells us: Believe them the first time they tell you who they are. I'm sorry for the hurt of it, MWM. It hurts me, too. *** But in acknowledging what really happened to me, there is compassion. Not only for all of us, but for me, myself, close up and in person. And so, I get to be real, to that degree. And if I can confront it once I know what is true about the things that happened, then I can be free from what they told me about who I was. Back when I was first going through the whole physical abuse recovery over the things my mother had done, I would envision myself as an adult, standing next to the little girl I was as the trauma happened. I would assure the child that we had lived, and that I knew, and that I witnessed for her. And I had to do that MWM, because when I remember how it was, it seems insane. I wonder what is wrong with me, that I think like that. But the symptoms are there, the scars are there. It did happen. So I can heal from it now, because I know what is true and what was never correct or of value. I wanted to add that my mom said those same kinds of cruel things. I think the most damaging was "Just don't think, Cedar." She would say that all the time, with such contempt in her voice. I did not know I could think MWM, for the longest time. It was freeing, in a way. I could think whatever I wanted, without judging myself if it didn't make sense. "Just don't think, Cedar." It was very important that she used my name, when she said those words. Such contempt. Ouch. But the shame is hers, not mine. I was a little girl. Just a little girl. So were you, MWM. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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