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For Cedar or anyone: My dad did it again...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651333" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thank you, thank you, thank you for such long, thoughtful responses. I can't even respond to that all, but I do want to respond to the part about loving my sister.</p><p></p><p>Of course I love her, but definitely NOT as intensely as I once did, when I was on the phone at age 25 telling my mother to take care of my sister because she was getting into trouble and telling her what the trouble was; hoping to shock the woman into taking care of her youngest child (she is not the middle one...that's bro). When she cut me out the first time, it felt like a horrendous death and I had to grieve. Then she came back. Then she did it again and each time she did it, I grieved less and grew more and more puzzled and resentful and loved her a little less because I would see, in steps, that I didn't LIKE her. She does things I feel are wrong, morally to my gut. But I knew she had anorexia and had read ad nauseum about people who have it and they really do have very deep problems beyond just anorexia. Although she feels she is cured, there is no way she does not still have an eating disorder. It may be less severe than when she was in college, but a normal person does not start dieting if they hit 100 lbs. when they are 5'4. That's not fat or worrisome. A normal person does not get up at 4am to heavily exercise seven days a week. A normal person does not love to cook, but hate to eat (I have almost never seen her eat). A normal person does not LOVE to cook, but HATE to eat. And she is obsessed with running too. Sadly, one of her twin daughters seems to be going the same route and is becoming a Nutritionist. How perfect for a person with an eating disorder. She is also extremely thin, a runner, was sort of a problem child and is now obsessed with what she eats.</p><p></p><p>One day Sis told me the other twin, who is of normal weight, told Sis she wanted to lose a few pounds and Sis offered to cook her stuff just for the Atkins diet to help her lose. She claims she didn't push it and I believe her. But...if a kid says "I want to diet" and isn't grossly obese, don't you just let them diet on their own? She may have been a little overweight. I have never seen her gross in any way. Or obese. I can love Sis a little because she is mentally ill. And until this year she never went for help and she still isn't going for the help she needs.</p><p></p><p>Sis is hard of hearing and doctor wanted her on prednisone, but it makes you gain weight so she said "no." So he told her water pills and low salt will help her hearing problem too. Of course, as she told me, she liked that. Both of those things also help her lose weight. She is 55. She will never stop looking at her image all the time. I feel sorry for her when she truly looks old. She has aged well, as we all have.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, she is prettier than I was. But I was pretty too. That I knew. How? Well, her mother told me I was pretty. It was the only compliment she ever gave me other than I sang well so I knew that it had to be true. It wasn't like she went around telling me positive stuff about me. Also, boys then men have told me. However, I've never been obsessed about it or vain. She is both. It's a very sad obsession to have.</p><p></p><p>Anorexics are not likeable or well balanced or fun to be around. She never got the right help...so in a way she is like our kids who are different and harder. She can't help it. Now I fight mental illness too, but I'm way ahead of her. I started treatment at 23 and have more self-awareness than she will ever live to know.</p><p></p><p>My uncle, who was always very mean to me starting out from when I was a little kid and he nicknamed me "the brat" (and my mom let him call me that because he was another Golden Person in Mother's life)...he also had eating problems. He looked as stick skinny as Sis and ran like her and ate weird stuff. It did not really help his longevity. He died at 75. Not a young man, but if he had been uber healthy (he felt he was living a healthy life) he would have lived well into his 80's at least. Why did he die? I don't know. I never spoke to his wife. I got all the info second hand from Sis. And Wife didn't have an autopsy. When I asked Sis why he died, she got irritated and said something like, "I don't know. YOU care about those things. Not me."</p><p></p><p>She's so afraid. Afraid of knowing anything. Not even if the knowledge might help her or all of us maybe keep a lookout for the same thing happening to us. I did not love my uncle...lolol. He was nonexistant in my life for so long I can only picture him in his 40's and looking skinny-sick. He is Sis's male clone and used to juggle three girls at a time and tell my poor bro, who had no girls at all, about his romantic deceptions and escapades. He was really underhanded and cruel to his girlfriends, especially one who loved him very much. She was so nice and so upset after he dumped her for somebody she knew that she moved to SF and her brothers would NOT tell Unc where she was. He was also very vain about his appearance.</p><p></p><p>So I need to cut this now or I'll go on and on. The more I write, the more I remember.</p><p></p><p>Sis and Unc.</p><p></p><p>The Anorexic twins. He was anorexic before it was known that men can be anorexic.</p><p></p><p>And Sis. She'll be anorexic forever because she is terrified not to be. Every fat cell on her body terrifies her. It is her beast. Maybe it is her comfort to be thin when Married Man and Abusive Boyfriend treated her like garbage. Maybe...</p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening. Thanks for giving so much of yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651333, member: 1550"] Thank you, thank you, thank you for such long, thoughtful responses. I can't even respond to that all, but I do want to respond to the part about loving my sister. Of course I love her, but definitely NOT as intensely as I once did, when I was on the phone at age 25 telling my mother to take care of my sister because she was getting into trouble and telling her what the trouble was; hoping to shock the woman into taking care of her youngest child (she is not the middle one...that's bro). When she cut me out the first time, it felt like a horrendous death and I had to grieve. Then she came back. Then she did it again and each time she did it, I grieved less and grew more and more puzzled and resentful and loved her a little less because I would see, in steps, that I didn't LIKE her. She does things I feel are wrong, morally to my gut. But I knew she had anorexia and had read ad nauseum about people who have it and they really do have very deep problems beyond just anorexia. Although she feels she is cured, there is no way she does not still have an eating disorder. It may be less severe than when she was in college, but a normal person does not start dieting if they hit 100 lbs. when they are 5'4. That's not fat or worrisome. A normal person does not get up at 4am to heavily exercise seven days a week. A normal person does not love to cook, but hate to eat (I have almost never seen her eat). A normal person does not LOVE to cook, but HATE to eat. And she is obsessed with running too. Sadly, one of her twin daughters seems to be going the same route and is becoming a Nutritionist. How perfect for a person with an eating disorder. She is also extremely thin, a runner, was sort of a problem child and is now obsessed with what she eats. One day Sis told me the other twin, who is of normal weight, told Sis she wanted to lose a few pounds and Sis offered to cook her stuff just for the Atkins diet to help her lose. She claims she didn't push it and I believe her. But...if a kid says "I want to diet" and isn't grossly obese, don't you just let them diet on their own? She may have been a little overweight. I have never seen her gross in any way. Or obese. I can love Sis a little because she is mentally ill. And until this year she never went for help and she still isn't going for the help she needs. Sis is hard of hearing and doctor wanted her on prednisone, but it makes you gain weight so she said "no." So he told her water pills and low salt will help her hearing problem too. Of course, as she told me, she liked that. Both of those things also help her lose weight. She is 55. She will never stop looking at her image all the time. I feel sorry for her when she truly looks old. She has aged well, as we all have. Cedar, she is prettier than I was. But I was pretty too. That I knew. How? Well, her mother told me I was pretty. It was the only compliment she ever gave me other than I sang well so I knew that it had to be true. It wasn't like she went around telling me positive stuff about me. Also, boys then men have told me. However, I've never been obsessed about it or vain. She is both. It's a very sad obsession to have. Anorexics are not likeable or well balanced or fun to be around. She never got the right help...so in a way she is like our kids who are different and harder. She can't help it. Now I fight mental illness too, but I'm way ahead of her. I started treatment at 23 and have more self-awareness than she will ever live to know. My uncle, who was always very mean to me starting out from when I was a little kid and he nicknamed me "the brat" (and my mom let him call me that because he was another Golden Person in Mother's life)...he also had eating problems. He looked as stick skinny as Sis and ran like her and ate weird stuff. It did not really help his longevity. He died at 75. Not a young man, but if he had been uber healthy (he felt he was living a healthy life) he would have lived well into his 80's at least. Why did he die? I don't know. I never spoke to his wife. I got all the info second hand from Sis. And Wife didn't have an autopsy. When I asked Sis why he died, she got irritated and said something like, "I don't know. YOU care about those things. Not me." She's so afraid. Afraid of knowing anything. Not even if the knowledge might help her or all of us maybe keep a lookout for the same thing happening to us. I did not love my uncle...lolol. He was nonexistant in my life for so long I can only picture him in his 40's and looking skinny-sick. He is Sis's male clone and used to juggle three girls at a time and tell my poor bro, who had no girls at all, about his romantic deceptions and escapades. He was really underhanded and cruel to his girlfriends, especially one who loved him very much. She was so nice and so upset after he dumped her for somebody she knew that she moved to SF and her brothers would NOT tell Unc where she was. He was also very vain about his appearance. So I need to cut this now or I'll go on and on. The more I write, the more I remember. Sis and Unc. The Anorexic twins. He was anorexic before it was known that men can be anorexic. And Sis. She'll be anorexic forever because she is terrified not to be. Every fat cell on her body terrifies her. It is her beast. Maybe it is her comfort to be thin when Married Man and Abusive Boyfriend treated her like garbage. Maybe... Thanks for listening. Thanks for giving so much of yourself. [/QUOTE]
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