Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
For those who did Residential Treatment Center (RTC), are your kids still upset??? Even years later?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 8096" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Hi Judi, </p><p></p><p>Oh yes, young difficult child. He still harbors resentment over the 4 1/2 months he spent at drug rehab. He says he will NEVER send his child to a place like that. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Sorry, I had to edit this cause bottom line is we all did the best we could at the time and nothing was done to hurt, only help them. And no one, would/could do better than we the parents tried/did at the time for our children. </p><p></p><p>I reread where this information came from...your grandchild's mother. </p><p>I'm not sure why she told you that. What purpose does it serve? Are you guys taking care of difficult child's baby out of guilt for difficult child? What does difficult child's baby's mom get out of this...telling you about difficult child's resentments over placements in the past?</p><p></p><p>pity, blame, guilt...I just sense emotional manipulation might be going on. </p><p></p><p>Judi, you didn't cause your child's issues, they were part of the package. kids who are healthy and cope with the stressors/changes of life don't go to "these places". Our's needed the extra help and it was provided. </p><p></p><p>If your son asks you "why" or try's to blame you, I think it's important to remind him that you did all you could to help him and the rest was always up to him. It's important to be respectful of their choices and consequences. To remind them of what their "will and way" gave them...what they gave to themselves. </p><p></p><p>You did a ton Right. You listened to professionals. You drove the distance, provided the means, were involved in the process. You looked it square in the eyes and did not give up. The willingness has to come from within. NOT You, me, nor ANY professional/system/rehab/school/jail, can flip a switch and force them to come to the correct conclusion's. </p><p></p><p>The willingness to accept responsibility for what THEIR choices/thinking/behavior determined seems vital to their longterm success. If any of us are limited by our past it is because it is self imposed. I am learning to free myself...it is a good example to both of my sons.</p><p></p><p>I suspect your difficult child wants to excuse some of the behavior he has difficulty accepting in himself. If it's always someone else's fault, they did this to me, etc. He's the poor victim and who can ever blame him...but his choices do have power and determine outcome. Life doesn't just "happen to him". </p><p></p><p>My young difficult child and I have a strong relationship in my opinion. But I have to admit, because I have been so willing in the past to accept full responsibility, guilt, blame, etc for any of my son's problems...I think this has allowed him to divert attention away from what he needs to do for himself by making it my problem not his, about me, not him.</p><p>That's not healthy for either one of us. </p><p></p><p>Just like my mom told me once upon a time..."When you grow up, you get to make the best decisions you can at that time for your children and if you want to do them differently then I have done for you, that will be your right as they are YOUR children." </p><p></p><p>I hope you are not allowing yourself to be used Judi. The guilt these kids can heap on us to continue getting their way is immeasurable. It's disrespectful and abusive and we DON'T deserve it. But they will use whatever they think works. </p><p></p><p>I hope if there are grandbabies involved at some point by my difficult child's that I will be able to let my difficult child's own their decisions while at the same time not allowing the grandbaby to pay for them. What a difficult dilemma. </p><p></p><p>I know a 14 yr old who has been raised by her grandparents past several years due to difficult child mom's issues. It's a very painful situation to me. </p><p></p><p>I hope you will take good care of yourself. I am doing my best to do that too. Have good days and bad days. There's no time like the present to be on the side of "solution" rather than part of the problem. My "meetings" help when I'm open. </p><p>hugs,</p><p>lovemysons</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 8096, member: 3305"] Hi Judi, Oh yes, young difficult child. He still harbors resentment over the 4 1/2 months he spent at drug rehab. He says he will NEVER send his child to a place like that. Sorry, I had to edit this cause bottom line is we all did the best we could at the time and nothing was done to hurt, only help them. And no one, would/could do better than we the parents tried/did at the time for our children. I reread where this information came from...your grandchild's mother. I'm not sure why she told you that. What purpose does it serve? Are you guys taking care of difficult child's baby out of guilt for difficult child? What does difficult child's baby's mom get out of this...telling you about difficult child's resentments over placements in the past? pity, blame, guilt...I just sense emotional manipulation might be going on. Judi, you didn't cause your child's issues, they were part of the package. kids who are healthy and cope with the stressors/changes of life don't go to "these places". Our's needed the extra help and it was provided. If your son asks you "why" or try's to blame you, I think it's important to remind him that you did all you could to help him and the rest was always up to him. It's important to be respectful of their choices and consequences. To remind them of what their "will and way" gave them...what they gave to themselves. You did a ton Right. You listened to professionals. You drove the distance, provided the means, were involved in the process. You looked it square in the eyes and did not give up. The willingness has to come from within. NOT You, me, nor ANY professional/system/rehab/school/jail, can flip a switch and force them to come to the correct conclusion's. The willingness to accept responsibility for what THEIR choices/thinking/behavior determined seems vital to their longterm success. If any of us are limited by our past it is because it is self imposed. I am learning to free myself...it is a good example to both of my sons. I suspect your difficult child wants to excuse some of the behavior he has difficulty accepting in himself. If it's always someone else's fault, they did this to me, etc. He's the poor victim and who can ever blame him...but his choices do have power and determine outcome. Life doesn't just "happen to him". My young difficult child and I have a strong relationship in my opinion. But I have to admit, because I have been so willing in the past to accept full responsibility, guilt, blame, etc for any of my son's problems...I think this has allowed him to divert attention away from what he needs to do for himself by making it my problem not his, about me, not him. That's not healthy for either one of us. Just like my mom told me once upon a time..."When you grow up, you get to make the best decisions you can at that time for your children and if you want to do them differently then I have done for you, that will be your right as they are YOUR children." I hope you are not allowing yourself to be used Judi. The guilt these kids can heap on us to continue getting their way is immeasurable. It's disrespectful and abusive and we DON'T deserve it. But they will use whatever they think works. I hope if there are grandbabies involved at some point by my difficult child's that I will be able to let my difficult child's own their decisions while at the same time not allowing the grandbaby to pay for them. What a difficult dilemma. I know a 14 yr old who has been raised by her grandparents past several years due to difficult child mom's issues. It's a very painful situation to me. I hope you will take good care of yourself. I am doing my best to do that too. Have good days and bad days. There's no time like the present to be on the side of "solution" rather than part of the problem. My "meetings" help when I'm open. hugs, lovemysons [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
For those who did Residential Treatment Center (RTC), are your kids still upset??? Even years later?
Top