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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 638484" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Lil, you are a mom, of course you can't turn off how you <em>feel. </em>What is being suggested is to let things run it's course and only then will you see if you are having "just way immature" behavior or long term difficult child problems. Trust me I have been there. I still very much love my child but don't like her or have contact with her because it is to hurtful <em>to me. </em>Meaning, I still <em>feel</em> like a mom but it isn't in <em>MY </em>best interest to be around her or be in contact with her.</p><p>Sometimes we just have to let go of the reigns and let be what will be. Let go and let God as Al-Anon and other groups say.</p><p></p><p>Change your telephone numbers if you need to but trust me, from all that both you and your husband have been through you need to go through at least a time period where there is NO CONTACT and leaving that up to difficult child never works as they always have "one more problem" they need help with which leads to the next time, and so it goes.</p><p></p><p>I think most of the people on this board understand the painfulness of you having to let go. At least I am here to help you to understand that by letting go <em>now</em> you have real hope that he can pull himself together and find his true self without having to play games, lie and steal from the people who love him the most. It is absolutely heartbreaking to have to walk away from our own children. Just kicking your difficult child son out has led to your anxiety and trying to find the smallest wiggle room to both be done with him <em>keep the door open</em>. What I am saying: in order to get yourself ready for what could be a very long period of time, it is time to cut the cord to <em>any problems, not just the money/things</em>/lying, but the true: we WON'T deal with your stealing and lying so you are out on your arse, even for the "emotional support". Give a difficult child an inch, and you soon find yourself in for the mile. </p><p></p><p>At the end of the day, the question you are asking is "what can we do to help him" and I think most people are reading that between the lines, even though you are unable to see it. And I think, again that is because of the anxiety of "being forced" to put him out of the house. Nobody here ever said you needed to remove him from your house, you could have found a way to tolerate your difficult child and not kicked him out. However, in my humble opinion you found the strength to do the right thing for you and your husband by kicking out a thief and a liar. The nest logical step is to let go and see what happens and <em>let it happen.</em></p><p></p><p>I think you just keep stopping from staying uninvolved because, really, really, it is more painful for you to let go than it is to your difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Hope this helps you to understand that going No Contact is both a gift you give yourself and your difficult child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 638484, member: 18366"] Lil, you are a mom, of course you can't turn off how you [I]feel. [/I]What is being suggested is to let things run it's course and only then will you see if you are having "just way immature" behavior or long term difficult child problems. Trust me I have been there. I still very much love my child but don't like her or have contact with her because it is to hurtful [I]to me. [/I]Meaning, I still [I]feel[/I] like a mom but it isn't in [I]MY [/I]best interest to be around her or be in contact with her. Sometimes we just have to let go of the reigns and let be what will be. Let go and let God as Al-Anon and other groups say. Change your telephone numbers if you need to but trust me, from all that both you and your husband have been through you need to go through at least a time period where there is NO CONTACT and leaving that up to difficult child never works as they always have "one more problem" they need help with which leads to the next time, and so it goes. I think most of the people on this board understand the painfulness of you having to let go. At least I am here to help you to understand that by letting go [I]now[/I] you have real hope that he can pull himself together and find his true self without having to play games, lie and steal from the people who love him the most. It is absolutely heartbreaking to have to walk away from our own children. Just kicking your difficult child son out has led to your anxiety and trying to find the smallest wiggle room to both be done with him [I]keep the door open[/I]. What I am saying: in order to get yourself ready for what could be a very long period of time, it is time to cut the cord to [I]any problems, not just the money/things[/I]/lying, but the true: we WON'T deal with your stealing and lying so you are out on your arse, even for the "emotional support". Give a difficult child an inch, and you soon find yourself in for the mile. At the end of the day, the question you are asking is "what can we do to help him" and I think most people are reading that between the lines, even though you are unable to see it. And I think, again that is because of the anxiety of "being forced" to put him out of the house. Nobody here ever said you needed to remove him from your house, you could have found a way to tolerate your difficult child and not kicked him out. However, in my humble opinion you found the strength to do the right thing for you and your husband by kicking out a thief and a liar. The nest logical step is to let go and see what happens and [I]let it happen.[/I] I think you just keep stopping from staying uninvolved because, really, really, it is more painful for you to let go than it is to your difficult child. Hope this helps you to understand that going No Contact is both a gift you give yourself and your difficult child. [/QUOTE]
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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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