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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 638490" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Depends what you aim for with 'no contact'-time. If you hope he will learn and change because of it, I think you better prepare to few years for him to maybe grow up and getting to his feet and then, depending his personality, few more years or maybe a decade to get over his hurt feelings over it. If he gets kids earlier, that could make the time shorter. Could be longer. I have a friend who is now in his 23th year of refusing contact with his parents (or father in this point, his mother died few years ago) after they cut it for a year and tried to re-establish it then. Yes, this friend is a bit hard-headed and certainly not a softy, nor inclined to forgive easily, but he is in every retrospect law-abiding and contributing citizen with a good job, family of his own etc. Haven't been what would be considered a difficult child in about twenty years while he was difficult and troubled when his parents did start no-contact. When parent announces no contact for whatever reason, it is hurtful for a kid, child or adult.</p><p></p><p>If he doesn't get on his feet, or you are not waiting till that before re-establishing the contact, he is much more likely to be available to contact with you when ever you wish to re-establish it.</p><p></p><p>'No contact' is not a relationship or parenting tool you use to change the other person. It is a tool to protect yourself, when you have no other options. It comes with the huge price and is not something you can revise in whim.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Good to hear. Maybe then advising him to talk with the counsellor about how to manage relationships with friends the next time he tries to involve you with those? As in: "Sorry, we can't help you with that. You are an adult now. You have to learn to deal with these issues yourself. Maybe you could talk with your counsellor about how to manage problematic relationships with friends."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 638490, member: 14557"] Depends what you aim for with 'no contact'-time. If you hope he will learn and change because of it, I think you better prepare to few years for him to maybe grow up and getting to his feet and then, depending his personality, few more years or maybe a decade to get over his hurt feelings over it. If he gets kids earlier, that could make the time shorter. Could be longer. I have a friend who is now in his 23th year of refusing contact with his parents (or father in this point, his mother died few years ago) after they cut it for a year and tried to re-establish it then. Yes, this friend is a bit hard-headed and certainly not a softy, nor inclined to forgive easily, but he is in every retrospect law-abiding and contributing citizen with a good job, family of his own etc. Haven't been what would be considered a difficult child in about twenty years while he was difficult and troubled when his parents did start no-contact. When parent announces no contact for whatever reason, it is hurtful for a kid, child or adult. If he doesn't get on his feet, or you are not waiting till that before re-establishing the contact, he is much more likely to be available to contact with you when ever you wish to re-establish it. 'No contact' is not a relationship or parenting tool you use to change the other person. It is a tool to protect yourself, when you have no other options. It comes with the huge price and is not something you can revise in whim. Good to hear. Maybe then advising him to talk with the counsellor about how to manage relationships with friends the next time he tries to involve you with those? As in: "Sorry, we can't help you with that. You are an adult now. You have to learn to deal with these issues yourself. Maybe you could talk with your counsellor about how to manage problematic relationships with friends." [/QUOTE]
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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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