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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 638491" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have gone "low contact," never no contact. It's not hard. Just only talk to difficult child when he is being pleasant and make it a condition. He can't be asking for anything or trying to gaslight you or guilt you out. My son knows that if he makes demands of me, yells at me, swears at me or talks nonsense about the past, I will gently hang up. He doesn't do it as often as he used to. There is an improvement. I do understand why some have to go "no contact." If they may kill you or steal your life savings without remorse...those types of things...I know I could not stay in contact with a child of mine who cared so little for our well being he/she did that unless there was a sincere attempt at restitution. That is NOT a relationship. Not in any normal sense.</p><p></p><p>Yes, "no contact" is protection for us. Most of us here are not trying to change our adult children beecause it can't be done. We are here to support one another and to learn to find peace and happiness in spite of the poor choices of our grown children. Most of us have been lied to, stolen from, been assaulted, etc. from our grown kids and feel we deserve to live a good life and not fret over out grown kids who are not doing anything to improve. I think we are mostly on that page. That does not include mean we go no contact, but it is certainly an option, especially if the violation has been lethal and the adult child has no feelings for us. Yes, it happens just as some parents care nothing for their children and neglect them or abuse them. My mother hated me...everyone knows that. Nobody knows why. I was sorry only t hat I did not cut off contact sooner than I did. I literally kissed her feet to get her to love me. Guess what? It didn't work. She slapped me from the grave. Not every situation turns out this way, but it's not that uncommon either.</p><p></p><p>Family isn't always a love affair. There are sociopaths who can't feel love at all. And some of us gave birth to kids like that. In that case it is dangerous to have any contact with them and there is no payoff.</p><p></p><p>If a difficult child is tolerable and if the parents are willing to have them at home, that is fine. I think we are talking about far worse than that for the most part here.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing wrong with protecting ourselves rather than giving our lives for grown children who really don't care anything about our needs. Yes, it is a choice, but if you are living in hurt and pain and despair, it is a good decision.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 638491, member: 1550"] I have gone "low contact," never no contact. It's not hard. Just only talk to difficult child when he is being pleasant and make it a condition. He can't be asking for anything or trying to gaslight you or guilt you out. My son knows that if he makes demands of me, yells at me, swears at me or talks nonsense about the past, I will gently hang up. He doesn't do it as often as he used to. There is an improvement. I do understand why some have to go "no contact." If they may kill you or steal your life savings without remorse...those types of things...I know I could not stay in contact with a child of mine who cared so little for our well being he/she did that unless there was a sincere attempt at restitution. That is NOT a relationship. Not in any normal sense. Yes, "no contact" is protection for us. Most of us here are not trying to change our adult children beecause it can't be done. We are here to support one another and to learn to find peace and happiness in spite of the poor choices of our grown children. Most of us have been lied to, stolen from, been assaulted, etc. from our grown kids and feel we deserve to live a good life and not fret over out grown kids who are not doing anything to improve. I think we are mostly on that page. That does not include mean we go no contact, but it is certainly an option, especially if the violation has been lethal and the adult child has no feelings for us. Yes, it happens just as some parents care nothing for their children and neglect them or abuse them. My mother hated me...everyone knows that. Nobody knows why. I was sorry only t hat I did not cut off contact sooner than I did. I literally kissed her feet to get her to love me. Guess what? It didn't work. She slapped me from the grave. Not every situation turns out this way, but it's not that uncommon either. Family isn't always a love affair. There are sociopaths who can't feel love at all. And some of us gave birth to kids like that. In that case it is dangerous to have any contact with them and there is no payoff. If a difficult child is tolerable and if the parents are willing to have them at home, that is fine. I think we are talking about far worse than that for the most part here. There is nothing wrong with protecting ourselves rather than giving our lives for grown children who really don't care anything about our needs. Yes, it is a choice, but if you are living in hurt and pain and despair, it is a good decision. [/QUOTE]
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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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