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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 638500" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>My personal opinion is that your son is not necessarily a true member of the difficult child life club for life yet. However, if you don't let go, he will never be able to prove this to himself - i.e. you two either. When he no longer has either one of you to 'fix" whatever it is, it forces him to try to problem resolve on his own - something I would think you would want him to know. (and why they have professionals onsite at the shelters) I personally think the term "prolonged adolescence" has it's place in today's society and could be, might be, what you are dealing with here. But until you are ready to take the training wheels off of man-hood, you will never find out. I also feel if one/both of you continue to offer "support" in any way, he is just going to escalate his antics because he isn't really getting a clear picture of what is is like to be out on his own and <em>living the true reality that he is HOMELESS!</em> It seems like sleep away camp from my perspective. </p><p>In a way <em>he does have the two of you to fall back on. </em>And don't for a minute fool yourselves into believing he doesn't know this.</p><p></p><p>To answer the question: No contact is for however long you feel comfortable doing it for. Only time and space, for all involved will answer whether this is a temporary problem longing for a solution or long term hell for everyone involved.</p><p></p><p>I guess one of the points I am making is the <em>drama</em> inflicted on you through whatever is drama for him. </p><p></p><p>Frankly, beyond the stealing and lying the fact that he has put himself in a situation that could be considered embarrassing for the two of you, in your community, (homelessness) tells me it is still all about HIM. Until you stop letting it be all about him.</p><p></p><p>No contact should last as long as it needs to last to "stop feeding the beast". I bet if either of you, in your professions, heard these same kind of "situations" you would be fed up with the people involved. </p><p></p><p>A period of NC helps YOU to understand when it's best to step in, and when it's better to let them figure it out themselves.</p><p></p><p>Again it is too early to tell if your child will be a difficult child for life, but if you don't let him figure things out for himself, after all that you have already tried, I don't think you are giving him the opportunity to see if he can grow up on his own. It happens; you see people on here who have had difficult child problems for a long time and then the child changes for the better and others, like me, who have difficult child children for life. </p><p></p><p>I am though, shaking my head at the fact that after all you have been through, then kicked him to the curb -THEN TAKE HIM OUT TO EAT??? Talk about mixed messages (yeah it's never going to happen again - and it's only a hot dog what-ev's) Excuses - sounds like he is living up to what you expect from him - excuses!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 638500, member: 18366"] My personal opinion is that your son is not necessarily a true member of the difficult child life club for life yet. However, if you don't let go, he will never be able to prove this to himself - i.e. you two either. When he no longer has either one of you to 'fix" whatever it is, it forces him to try to problem resolve on his own - something I would think you would want him to know. (and why they have professionals onsite at the shelters) I personally think the term "prolonged adolescence" has it's place in today's society and could be, might be, what you are dealing with here. But until you are ready to take the training wheels off of man-hood, you will never find out. I also feel if one/both of you continue to offer "support" in any way, he is just going to escalate his antics because he isn't really getting a clear picture of what is is like to be out on his own and [I]living the true reality that he is HOMELESS![/I] It seems like sleep away camp from my perspective. In a way [I]he does have the two of you to fall back on. [/I]And don't for a minute fool yourselves into believing he doesn't know this. To answer the question: No contact is for however long you feel comfortable doing it for. Only time and space, for all involved will answer whether this is a temporary problem longing for a solution or long term hell for everyone involved. I guess one of the points I am making is the [I]drama[/I] inflicted on you through whatever is drama for him. Frankly, beyond the stealing and lying the fact that he has put himself in a situation that could be considered embarrassing for the two of you, in your community, (homelessness) tells me it is still all about HIM. Until you stop letting it be all about him. No contact should last as long as it needs to last to "stop feeding the beast". I bet if either of you, in your professions, heard these same kind of "situations" you would be fed up with the people involved. A period of NC helps YOU to understand when it's best to step in, and when it's better to let them figure it out themselves. Again it is too early to tell if your child will be a difficult child for life, but if you don't let him figure things out for himself, after all that you have already tried, I don't think you are giving him the opportunity to see if he can grow up on his own. It happens; you see people on here who have had difficult child problems for a long time and then the child changes for the better and others, like me, who have difficult child children for life. I am though, shaking my head at the fact that after all you have been through, then kicked him to the curb -THEN TAKE HIM OUT TO EAT??? Talk about mixed messages (yeah it's never going to happen again - and it's only a hot dog what-ev's) Excuses - sounds like he is living up to what you expect from him - excuses! [/QUOTE]
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"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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