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Parent Emeritus
"Friends"...why is it so hard to get away from them?
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<blockquote data-quote="mom_to_3" data-source="post: 638552" data-attributes="member: 30"><p>I can certainly understand your mixed, not knowing what to do feelings here. When my difficult child was 16 we could not have her in our home for safety reasons. She never lived at home again. Yes, most people including myself give advice according to their own situations at the time and they don't always jive with what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>When our difficult child left, we did not see nor speak to her for several weeks. This was for a variety of reasons. She needed to be out of our home for all of our sakes. We had other younger children at home that needed stability and healing. I was devastated and could not have begun to speak to her with the resolve *I* needed to have. Emotionally, I was a wreck! Devastated, hurt, angry, humiliated, you name it, I felt it. Many people here who have not experienced having to have your child leave your home cannot begin to fathom the wide range of emotions a parent feels. You question and blame yourself and feel the need to atone for any perceived wrong you may have done your child. It's a crazy horrible time for a parent. I learned I had to heal on my own, without contact with my difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Lil, you need not doubt yourself. You are a good enough parent. The type of "love" we have to show our difficult child children many times goes against what our hearts dreamed of. As you know, not all children thrive from the care, love, attention and plans we provided for our children in the manner and time period we expect to see our children evolve.</p><p></p><p>I was lucky in that I had my family telling me, I was good enough and supporting me and listening to me. I think I probably sucked them dry emotionally! I was also lucky, that they realized my difficult child was not the devil spawned. That helped me keep my perspective as best I could.</p><p></p><p>I think it's hurtful for others to tell you what you are doing is wrong. As mothers and parents we do our best to care for and love our children to the best of our abilities. Our difficult child's force us to parent in a way that does not come natural. I think the best advice a parent in your situation could get, would be to read codependent no more and the suggestion to meditate how that applies to your situation.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to both you and your husband for your hurting hearts and may you find the strength to allow your difficult child to become the son you envisioned him to be!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mom_to_3, post: 638552, member: 30"] I can certainly understand your mixed, not knowing what to do feelings here. When my difficult child was 16 we could not have her in our home for safety reasons. She never lived at home again. Yes, most people including myself give advice according to their own situations at the time and they don't always jive with what you are going through. When our difficult child left, we did not see nor speak to her for several weeks. This was for a variety of reasons. She needed to be out of our home for all of our sakes. We had other younger children at home that needed stability and healing. I was devastated and could not have begun to speak to her with the resolve *I* needed to have. Emotionally, I was a wreck! Devastated, hurt, angry, humiliated, you name it, I felt it. Many people here who have not experienced having to have your child leave your home cannot begin to fathom the wide range of emotions a parent feels. You question and blame yourself and feel the need to atone for any perceived wrong you may have done your child. It's a crazy horrible time for a parent. I learned I had to heal on my own, without contact with my difficult child. Lil, you need not doubt yourself. You are a good enough parent. The type of "love" we have to show our difficult child children many times goes against what our hearts dreamed of. As you know, not all children thrive from the care, love, attention and plans we provided for our children in the manner and time period we expect to see our children evolve. I was lucky in that I had my family telling me, I was good enough and supporting me and listening to me. I think I probably sucked them dry emotionally! I was also lucky, that they realized my difficult child was not the devil spawned. That helped me keep my perspective as best I could. I think it's hurtful for others to tell you what you are doing is wrong. As mothers and parents we do our best to care for and love our children to the best of our abilities. Our difficult child's force us to parent in a way that does not come natural. I think the best advice a parent in your situation could get, would be to read codependent no more and the suggestion to meditate how that applies to your situation. Hugs to both you and your husband for your hurting hearts and may you find the strength to allow your difficult child to become the son you envisioned him to be! [/QUOTE]
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