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frustrated mom of defiant teen daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 269115" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome to the board. I just love teen attitude, isn't it grand? hmph</p><p> </p><p>Ok. So, you're a nag about school? Stop nagging. Let her reap the consequences of not doing school work. I know, but OMG what if she doesn't graduate? Not the end of the world, I assure you. She can always get her GED. But you trying to help is getting you nothing but attitude. She's 18, she knows what she needs to do. Make her do it. If she doesn't, it falls on her.</p><p> </p><p>Nichole has threatened to move out twice. I held the door open for her. Told her she was welcome to leave. But this is MY house/MY rules.</p><p> </p><p>She is still here. She is still following the rules.</p><p> </p><p>I think part of the problem is that you're still in the mindset of your difficult child as being a child. Ok. I understand that. I do. And probably she's immature as all get out, despite her attitude. BUT she isn't a child. She is an adult, ready or not. And it will help you tons when you can begin to see her in that new role. Your view of her will change, and so will the way you respond to her.</p><p> </p><p>Hoovers doesn't it? A magic number and suddenly you're powerless legally to do a darn thing.</p><p> </p><p>You may not be at the point yet where you're ready to call her bluff about moving out. Understandable. Parents get there in their own time. And that's ok. Except you must remember each time she threatens and you back down......you're handing control over to her.</p><p> </p><p>Kids don't come with a handbook. (sure would be nice if they did) None of us are perfect parents. We do the best we know. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know about the background. But many of us have to be careful we're not over helping our kids to the point of enabling their behavior. Natural consequences are wonderful. If she doesn't do school work, she fails. A real world lesson. Because once she is out on her own......she doesn't do her job, she gets fired.</p><p> </p><p>A good idea for you and your husband to do is to sit down and discuss what behavior is both acceptable and unacceptable for an adult child living in your home. (and keep in mind you have a 14 yr old watching your every move) Then you need to think of consequences for unacceptable behavior that you both can live with and folow thru on. Because if you don't follow thru, you start right back at square one.</p><p> </p><p>I have simple rules for my adult kids.</p><p> </p><p>1. Go to school full time or work full time.</p><p>2. If you're not in school, I get paid rent. (100.00 a month)</p><p>3. In by midnight, no excuses. (I'm not going to sit up worrying where my grown kids are)</p><p>4. Pick up after yourself.</p><p> </p><p>It's up to them on whether or not to follow the rules. If they don't......they move. Since I have 2 still here, I'm guessing they're not so bad. lol</p><p> </p><p>But you and husband need to come up with your own rules. You know difficult child, you know what you can and can't tolerate.</p><p> </p><p>Again, welcome. Looking forward to getting to know you.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 269115, member: 84"] Welcome to the board. I just love teen attitude, isn't it grand? hmph Ok. So, you're a nag about school? Stop nagging. Let her reap the consequences of not doing school work. I know, but OMG what if she doesn't graduate? Not the end of the world, I assure you. She can always get her GED. But you trying to help is getting you nothing but attitude. She's 18, she knows what she needs to do. Make her do it. If she doesn't, it falls on her. Nichole has threatened to move out twice. I held the door open for her. Told her she was welcome to leave. But this is MY house/MY rules. She is still here. She is still following the rules. I think part of the problem is that you're still in the mindset of your difficult child as being a child. Ok. I understand that. I do. And probably she's immature as all get out, despite her attitude. BUT she isn't a child. She is an adult, ready or not. And it will help you tons when you can begin to see her in that new role. Your view of her will change, and so will the way you respond to her. Hoovers doesn't it? A magic number and suddenly you're powerless legally to do a darn thing. You may not be at the point yet where you're ready to call her bluff about moving out. Understandable. Parents get there in their own time. And that's ok. Except you must remember each time she threatens and you back down......you're handing control over to her. Kids don't come with a handbook. (sure would be nice if they did) None of us are perfect parents. We do the best we know. I don't know about the background. But many of us have to be careful we're not over helping our kids to the point of enabling their behavior. Natural consequences are wonderful. If she doesn't do school work, she fails. A real world lesson. Because once she is out on her own......she doesn't do her job, she gets fired. A good idea for you and your husband to do is to sit down and discuss what behavior is both acceptable and unacceptable for an adult child living in your home. (and keep in mind you have a 14 yr old watching your every move) Then you need to think of consequences for unacceptable behavior that you both can live with and folow thru on. Because if you don't follow thru, you start right back at square one. I have simple rules for my adult kids. 1. Go to school full time or work full time. 2. If you're not in school, I get paid rent. (100.00 a month) 3. In by midnight, no excuses. (I'm not going to sit up worrying where my grown kids are) 4. Pick up after yourself. It's up to them on whether or not to follow the rules. If they don't......they move. Since I have 2 still here, I'm guessing they're not so bad. lol But you and husband need to come up with your own rules. You know difficult child, you know what you can and can't tolerate. Again, welcome. Looking forward to getting to know you. Hugs.:happy: [/QUOTE]
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