Hi strangeworld (I am a cat lover and artist, too.) Look. She has a right to think whatever she wants about her life. And she can tell anybody else she wants, if she chooses too. What she can't do, unless you permit this, is to torture you. While you don't have to, you are consenting to listen to this: Only you can protect you. Only you can decide that you don't deserve to be sick: She guilts you because you choose to engage with her. When you decide you will no longer permit this, it will stop. Because you will do whatever it takes to stop it. Until then, she will do it. Whether it hurts you or not, she will do it. No matter how wrong it is.
The same thing with this. She has every right in the world to interpret her life in the way that she chooses. She can play whatever role she chooses, including victim, or perpetrator for that matter.
My commentary about my son and his life is my business. I can say what I want but I have no sway, or rights about what he does, what he says, what he thinks, or how he acts. I control only what I permit near me.
Your daughter is a certain way, because she is choosing it. Like with my own son, she may choose it for the rest of her life. Or not. But that is up to her.
It will be very sad for me if my son chooses to keep his life as it is for the rest of my own life. But I will have every opportunity to adjust my behavior, my attitudes, my thinking and my choices, to make that reality more bearable. For me. Not him. I will also have every right (and obligation) to limit my contact with my son if I find it disturbing or hurtful.
I see your range of choices regarding your daughter as very similar to my own range of choices about my son. And that range of choices involves setting limits about how close they are to us. It also involves setting internal limits inside of myself, so that I accept that I am dealing with another adult here, over whom I have no responsibility or control. With that comes the responsibility to myself to deal with myself, independent of him. To learn to be a healthy, happy, centered, tranquil, accomplished, contented person in myself. And to let him be.
