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Substance Abuse
Gave daughter 2 weeks to move out
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757347" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It could.</p><p></p><p>Most of us struggle with some form of this. But eventually none of us will be here. Our adult children will have to navigate the world without us.</p><p></p><p>The decision I have made is to support my son to engage in life, without me as a buffer or guide. When I tried to be the buffer/guide I ended up battered and bruised. I was not supporting autonomy, integrity or productivity as I had hoped. He ended up in worse shape as he was able to see life as alternating between resistance and dependence.</p><p>I went to AA for awhile to learn about the 12 step way of living. I was so amazed at the people who had lived their lives as "borderline" while drunk and drugged, and who found through 12 step programs, order, integrity, accountability and stability, and so much else.</p><p></p><p>My take is that life often involves very elementary and binary choices, between right and wrong. </p><p></p><p>I find when I look at life this way I have the information I need to take the next step. To me, there is always a better thing to do. Do I lay in bed amidst clutter, or do I get up and wash the dishes, sweep the floor and clean the counters? Do I feel sorry for myself, or do I go outside and feed the stray cat or go for a walk?</p><p></p><p>I don't think it's different for our kids. There are first steps that they can make. Or not. When I took responsibility for pushing my son, deciding for him, insulating him I robbed him of the opportunity to develop the muscle to better live life. When I took on the consequences, I robbed him of the best teacher there is. When I pushed him, I took away the incentive for him to find and to use his own motivation.</p><p></p><p>That's just my take. The way I understand it all now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757347, member: 18958"] It could. Most of us struggle with some form of this. But eventually none of us will be here. Our adult children will have to navigate the world without us. The decision I have made is to support my son to engage in life, without me as a buffer or guide. When I tried to be the buffer/guide I ended up battered and bruised. I was not supporting autonomy, integrity or productivity as I had hoped. He ended up in worse shape as he was able to see life as alternating between resistance and dependence. I went to AA for awhile to learn about the 12 step way of living. I was so amazed at the people who had lived their lives as "borderline" while drunk and drugged, and who found through 12 step programs, order, integrity, accountability and stability, and so much else. My take is that life often involves very elementary and binary choices, between right and wrong. I find when I look at life this way I have the information I need to take the next step. To me, there is always a better thing to do. Do I lay in bed amidst clutter, or do I get up and wash the dishes, sweep the floor and clean the counters? Do I feel sorry for myself, or do I go outside and feed the stray cat or go for a walk? I don't think it's different for our kids. There are first steps that they can make. Or not. When I took responsibility for pushing my son, deciding for him, insulating him I robbed him of the opportunity to develop the muscle to better live life. When I took on the consequences, I robbed him of the best teacher there is. When I pushed him, I took away the incentive for him to find and to use his own motivation. That's just my take. The way I understand it all now. [/QUOTE]
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Gave daughter 2 weeks to move out
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