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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 759670" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with skittles. It's a bad idea to bail him out. He belongs in jail. Every day he is there he gets credits towards any potential sentence. So, he's doing time right from the start, if he stays in jail. It's facing the reality he has created. (What is served by taking him out of the mess he's created for himself?) That would be magical thinking. Like a get out of jail free card. NOT.</p><p></p><p>If it were my son I would likely help him with an attorney, but that's me. I would visit and write and accept his phone calls. I would think twice about sending a lot of money. (There's the potential for victimization.)</p><p></p><p>For men who are street smart and secure, jail can be fun. They play cards. They read all day. They hoot and holler. They exercise. I worked in prison 25 years. It's actually not that bad unless the person is vulnerable with poor boundaries. Then it can be hard.</p><p></p><p>Also, it's possible to get even felony records expunged after serving time and re-entering society. If he doesn't have a college degree, often the prisons have college, nowadays. Or there are distance classes, now, in my state. Even now, in jail, he can begin to take correspondence courses. There is a program just for prisoners. I can't remember the name. I am sorry.</p><p></p><p>I would focus on supporting him to begin to accept the reality he created and to deal with his circumstances like a man; learning to make constructive choices. He will not have access to them right away, but the Chapel, the library, exercise, and NA and AA could be great outlets.</p><p></p><p>I know if I had to go to prison or jail, I could do it. He can too. He will grow up now.</p><p></p><p>Please don't tell yourself scary stories. There is a Rabbi in Los Angeles who went to prison three times on felony convictions. And then one day he changed--through faith. When he got out he established a highly regarded drug program and congregation for people like him. Beit Tshuvah. Sometimes life has to be tough on people before they pay attention.</p><p></p><p>Please take care of yourself. You will be okay. So will he. I know it.</p><p></p><p>PS There is no certainty that he will be convicted. That makes it all the more important he learn the lessons he needs to learn by staying in jail. That's what I think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 759670, member: 18958"] I agree with skittles. It's a bad idea to bail him out. He belongs in jail. Every day he is there he gets credits towards any potential sentence. So, he's doing time right from the start, if he stays in jail. It's facing the reality he has created. (What is served by taking him out of the mess he's created for himself?) That would be magical thinking. Like a get out of jail free card. NOT. If it were my son I would likely help him with an attorney, but that's me. I would visit and write and accept his phone calls. I would think twice about sending a lot of money. (There's the potential for victimization.) For men who are street smart and secure, jail can be fun. They play cards. They read all day. They hoot and holler. They exercise. I worked in prison 25 years. It's actually not that bad unless the person is vulnerable with poor boundaries. Then it can be hard. Also, it's possible to get even felony records expunged after serving time and re-entering society. If he doesn't have a college degree, often the prisons have college, nowadays. Or there are distance classes, now, in my state. Even now, in jail, he can begin to take correspondence courses. There is a program just for prisoners. I can't remember the name. I am sorry. I would focus on supporting him to begin to accept the reality he created and to deal with his circumstances like a man; learning to make constructive choices. He will not have access to them right away, but the Chapel, the library, exercise, and NA and AA could be great outlets. I know if I had to go to prison or jail, I could do it. He can too. He will grow up now. Please don't tell yourself scary stories. There is a Rabbi in Los Angeles who went to prison three times on felony convictions. And then one day he changed--through faith. When he got out he established a highly regarded drug program and congregation for people like him. Beit Tshuvah. Sometimes life has to be tough on people before they pay attention. Please take care of yourself. You will be okay. So will he. I know it. PS There is no certainty that he will be convicted. That makes it all the more important he learn the lessons he needs to learn by staying in jail. That's what I think. [/QUOTE]
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