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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 759988" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>RJ,</p><p>The things we have been through, our children in jail, homelessness, drugs, mentally ill, police at our door, etc., all create I think an imbedded anxiety. I exercise, eat right, pray, listen to app's like "calm" and the like and yet I always have some anxiety.</p><p></p><p>The other day I was at the gym exercising with my earbuds on and a song came on that actually startled me. Now most would just shrug that off but for me I know subconsciously I was thinking of the problems and issues with one son in particular right now and even in the midst of trying to get better, I still jumped because I'm wired tight now. I'm still having issues with my older son and slipping back into enabling financially again and I'm so discouraged with myself. I often feel like a bad person inside for not being stronger.</p><p></p><p>I suppose the years of trauma have caused me some PTSD and I have to just keep trying day to day to release some of this and surrender it to the One I know who can take care of him and me. Part of me wishes I could afford to go back to therapy but my co-pays are too high and I've spent all my extra and not so extra money on my son who just can't seem to get it together. </p><p></p><p>I know all the "right" things to do but sometimes the constant battle of this all, gets the better of me. At least I know better now and I know I'll get better again. I know that if I don't take care of myself, I'm good to no one. </p><p></p><p>Sending hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 759988, member: 23405"] RJ, The things we have been through, our children in jail, homelessness, drugs, mentally ill, police at our door, etc., all create I think an imbedded anxiety. I exercise, eat right, pray, listen to app's like "calm" and the like and yet I always have some anxiety. The other day I was at the gym exercising with my earbuds on and a song came on that actually startled me. Now most would just shrug that off but for me I know subconsciously I was thinking of the problems and issues with one son in particular right now and even in the midst of trying to get better, I still jumped because I'm wired tight now. I'm still having issues with my older son and slipping back into enabling financially again and I'm so discouraged with myself. I often feel like a bad person inside for not being stronger. I suppose the years of trauma have caused me some PTSD and I have to just keep trying day to day to release some of this and surrender it to the One I know who can take care of him and me. Part of me wishes I could afford to go back to therapy but my co-pays are too high and I've spent all my extra and not so extra money on my son who just can't seem to get it together. I know all the "right" things to do but sometimes the constant battle of this all, gets the better of me. At least I know better now and I know I'll get better again. I know that if I don't take care of myself, I'm good to no one. Sending hugs. [/QUOTE]
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