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Good article on how to stop being family scapegoat...Confused, Cedar, you may like it too.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 653961" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>"Abuse is fundamentally a mentality. It is a mindset of entitlement. The abuser sees himself* as entitled. He is the center of the world, and he demands that his victim make him the center of her world. His goal is power and control over others. For him, power and control are his natural right, and he feels quite justified in using whatever means are necessary to obtain that power and control. The abuser is not hampered in these efforts by the pangs of a healthy conscience and indeed often lacks a conscience.</p><p></p><p>While this mentality of power and control often expresses itself in various forms of physical abuse, it just as frequently employs tactics of verbal, emotional, financial, social, sexual and spiritual abuse. Thus, an abuser may never actually lay a hand on his wife and yet be very actively terrorizing her in incredibly damaging ways."</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>This is from the article you listed for us, SOT.</p><p></p><p>This is the thing we know when we heal. We see beyond what we saw or felt to the wrongness beneath it. We see the "why".</p><p></p><p>I realized "scapegoat" could be any kind of ridicule. It could be living ridiculed for seeing things positively, but still seeing the way I see <em>and so, feeling essentially wrong. </em>If those same ridiculed qualities are not ridiculed in my day to day life, oh how I dread knowing the day will come when they will be. That is what it is to feel fraudulent, to feel there is something wrong with us, something we need to conceal, for the hurt of being found out and ridiculed for who we really are.</p><p></p><p>That could be an example of the result of scapegoating in action.</p><p></p><p>And this is why Brene Brown's "lean into it", risk real, you can do this, made such a difference for me.</p><p></p><p>And Joel Osteen's sermons and teachings about how to see ourselves as we truly are ~ as cherished beings, here on purpose.</p><p></p><p>And Maya, of course.</p><p></p><p>As was pointed out in the quote above, abuse is so much more than what happened. Abuse is in the "win" for the abuser. Abuse is in the way we are forever wound up in the why of the thing.</p><p></p><p>This is from Rumi, courtesy of Ariana Huffington, who was on Super Soul Sunday today.</p><p></p><p>"Live life as though everything is rigged in your favor."</p><p></p><p>It echoes through the same places Maya's "We are here on purpose" echoes. We are seen, we are known, we were meant to be here just as we are.</p><p></p><p>And that is trust.</p><p></p><p>And <em>that</em> is what abuse destroys.</p><p></p><p>Trust that we are gloriously here, present and alive until the hour of our deaths <em>on purpose.</em></p><p></p><p>Here is something else from Ariana this morning: "Failure is not the opposite of success. Failure is a stepping stone to success."</p><p></p><p>There is no such thing as failure.</p><p></p><p>That is alot to trust.</p><p></p><p>The opposite of trust is fear.</p><p></p><p>If we choose to love, we come to see that fear and love cannot exist together in the same place at the same time. So maybe, if we can know that, we can choose love and fly by the seats of our pants about the rest of it.</p><p></p><p>?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 653961, member: 17461"] "Abuse is fundamentally a mentality. It is a mindset of entitlement. The abuser sees himself* as entitled. He is the center of the world, and he demands that his victim make him the center of her world. His goal is power and control over others. For him, power and control are his natural right, and he feels quite justified in using whatever means are necessary to obtain that power and control. The abuser is not hampered in these efforts by the pangs of a healthy conscience and indeed often lacks a conscience. While this mentality of power and control often expresses itself in various forms of physical abuse, it just as frequently employs tactics of verbal, emotional, financial, social, sexual and spiritual abuse. Thus, an abuser may never actually lay a hand on his wife and yet be very actively terrorizing her in incredibly damaging ways." *** This is from the article you listed for us, SOT. This is the thing we know when we heal. We see beyond what we saw or felt to the wrongness beneath it. We see the "why". I realized "scapegoat" could be any kind of ridicule. It could be living ridiculed for seeing things positively, but still seeing the way I see [I]and so, feeling essentially wrong. [/I]If those same ridiculed qualities are not ridiculed in my day to day life, oh how I dread knowing the day will come when they will be. That is what it is to feel fraudulent, to feel there is something wrong with us, something we need to conceal, for the hurt of being found out and ridiculed for who we really are. That could be an example of the result of scapegoating in action. And this is why Brene Brown's "lean into it", risk real, you can do this, made such a difference for me. And Joel Osteen's sermons and teachings about how to see ourselves as we truly are ~ as cherished beings, here on purpose. And Maya, of course. As was pointed out in the quote above, abuse is so much more than what happened. Abuse is in the "win" for the abuser. Abuse is in the way we are forever wound up in the why of the thing. This is from Rumi, courtesy of Ariana Huffington, who was on Super Soul Sunday today. "Live life as though everything is rigged in your favor." It echoes through the same places Maya's "We are here on purpose" echoes. We are seen, we are known, we were meant to be here just as we are. And that is trust. And [I]that[/I] is what abuse destroys. Trust that we are gloriously here, present and alive until the hour of our deaths [I]on purpose.[/I] Here is something else from Ariana this morning: "Failure is not the opposite of success. Failure is a stepping stone to success." There is no such thing as failure. That is alot to trust. The opposite of trust is fear. If we choose to love, we come to see that fear and love cannot exist together in the same place at the same time. So maybe, if we can know that, we can choose love and fly by the seats of our pants about the rest of it. ? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Good article on how to stop being family scapegoat...Confused, Cedar, you may like it too.
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