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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Gradually stopping enabling
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<blockquote data-quote="Guidance seeker" data-source="post: 727238" data-attributes="member: 22632"><p>Thank you SWOT and RNO441, I really appreciate your advice. </p><p></p><p>This forum is doing me so much good, it’s helping me change the way I think. I’ve never had advice like this before apart from a couple of months ago when my brother told me that I need to detach from my son and look after myself now. It was the first time I heard that and the more I read on here, the more I feel it is the way forward.</p><p></p><p>Prior to this, my thinking was to always help my son because that was what families do but I realise now that I wasn’t helping, I was enabling. I had no experience of any family member being a drug user or manipulative so i was clueless in how to handle the situation. I thought it was a phase and it would pass, I was ridiculously naive and I think if I’d been looking in from the outside I would have seen things very differently. I hear on here about FOG - fear, obligation and guilt - that is exactly what caused me to start enabling. I feared him getting a police record, I feared his rages, I felt responsible for helping him, I felt I should always let him live at home etc. I have changed so much already over the last 4 years and I will continue to move in the right direction.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Guidance seeker, post: 727238, member: 22632"] Thank you SWOT and RNO441, I really appreciate your advice. This forum is doing me so much good, it’s helping me change the way I think. I’ve never had advice like this before apart from a couple of months ago when my brother told me that I need to detach from my son and look after myself now. It was the first time I heard that and the more I read on here, the more I feel it is the way forward. Prior to this, my thinking was to always help my son because that was what families do but I realise now that I wasn’t helping, I was enabling. I had no experience of any family member being a drug user or manipulative so i was clueless in how to handle the situation. I thought it was a phase and it would pass, I was ridiculously naive and I think if I’d been looking in from the outside I would have seen things very differently. I hear on here about FOG - fear, obligation and guilt - that is exactly what caused me to start enabling. I feared him getting a police record, I feared his rages, I felt responsible for helping him, I felt I should always let him live at home etc. I have changed so much already over the last 4 years and I will continue to move in the right direction. [/QUOTE]
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