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<blockquote data-quote="YogiLori" data-source="post: 762845" data-attributes="member: 30044"><p>Hello Gina!</p><p>Sorry for the late reply. I have been consumed by a paining project and haven't checked the site. Yes, you are in the right place. My son is 19 and has been really giving us hell for the last 3 years. He is so capable but never followed the house rules which were only no drugs in the house or car and be home by midnight (or call if are going to be late) He was disrespectful, moody, avoided us and entitled. When he graduated high school we were looking for a fresh slate cause got accepted to the University and wanted to pledge a fraternity. He partied like crazy, failed most classes and then started drinking. He never drank in high school. He would not accept responsibility for anything. Right before he turned 19, he got a DUI and a bunch of other charges and went to jail for the night. My husband said, "WE ARE DONE." In our state, people are minors till 19 so we told him you need to leave, we are done. I cried for 6 weeks straight. I was sooooooo sad.....where did we go wrong? what is he going to do? are we abandoning him? will he hate us? My husband was SO DONE and I was too but I never imagined asking him to leave. My husband said he is an adult, he can get a job and act like an adult since he is not taking school seriously.........He lived with a friend and lifeguarded all summer. He lost his license until 12/22 so he had to ride his bike everyday to work. The summer ended and he got a full time stocker job and is making 40K. He loves it for now. His friend went back to college and he asked us to move back in and we said No again. Once more, I cried and felt guilty..........My husband was strong because living here is easy and he wouldn't do anything! He moved in with his grandma (my husband's mom) Her husband (my husband's dad just passed) Things are going very well. She is such a good influence and he does love her very much. Everything is okay at the moment. He is learning alot and thinking alot. He came over here today while I was painting and actually helped me. He has never helped me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> It is all new and has not been very long. THE ONLY way your son is going to grow up and figure it out is to stay strong and don't let him move back unless you come up with something you can agree on. My son had to be forced and he NEVER thought we would actually follow through I think. I also joined NarAnon and it is really great. I am a hopeless co-dependent so it just helps so much with my separation from him. I care for him but I am no longer his caretaker! I just mom him to death and he knows it so it just cannot work with him here. I was very mad at my husband for having the idea to ask him to leave but I KNOW it was the right answer. I was in my therapist's office every week! Now NarAnon is all I am doing. I am doing a 12 step class on Thursdays (on Zoom) and a meeting on Monday (on Zoom.) It is a wonderful connection and so supportive and wonderful for all relationships in your life! Hang in there and keep reaching out!!!<img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="❤️" title="Red heart :heart:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/2764.png" data-shortname=":heart:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="YogiLori, post: 762845, member: 30044"] Hello Gina! Sorry for the late reply. I have been consumed by a paining project and haven't checked the site. Yes, you are in the right place. My son is 19 and has been really giving us hell for the last 3 years. He is so capable but never followed the house rules which were only no drugs in the house or car and be home by midnight (or call if are going to be late) He was disrespectful, moody, avoided us and entitled. When he graduated high school we were looking for a fresh slate cause got accepted to the University and wanted to pledge a fraternity. He partied like crazy, failed most classes and then started drinking. He never drank in high school. He would not accept responsibility for anything. Right before he turned 19, he got a DUI and a bunch of other charges and went to jail for the night. My husband said, "WE ARE DONE." In our state, people are minors till 19 so we told him you need to leave, we are done. I cried for 6 weeks straight. I was sooooooo sad.....where did we go wrong? what is he going to do? are we abandoning him? will he hate us? My husband was SO DONE and I was too but I never imagined asking him to leave. My husband said he is an adult, he can get a job and act like an adult since he is not taking school seriously.........He lived with a friend and lifeguarded all summer. He lost his license until 12/22 so he had to ride his bike everyday to work. The summer ended and he got a full time stocker job and is making 40K. He loves it for now. His friend went back to college and he asked us to move back in and we said No again. Once more, I cried and felt guilty..........My husband was strong because living here is easy and he wouldn't do anything! He moved in with his grandma (my husband's mom) Her husband (my husband's dad just passed) Things are going very well. She is such a good influence and he does love her very much. Everything is okay at the moment. He is learning alot and thinking alot. He came over here today while I was painting and actually helped me. He has never helped me :D It is all new and has not been very long. THE ONLY way your son is going to grow up and figure it out is to stay strong and don't let him move back unless you come up with something you can agree on. My son had to be forced and he NEVER thought we would actually follow through I think. I also joined NarAnon and it is really great. I am a hopeless co-dependent so it just helps so much with my separation from him. I care for him but I am no longer his caretaker! I just mom him to death and he knows it so it just cannot work with him here. I was very mad at my husband for having the idea to ask him to leave but I KNOW it was the right answer. I was in my therapist's office every week! Now NarAnon is all I am doing. I am doing a 12 step class on Thursdays (on Zoom) and a meeting on Monday (on Zoom.) It is a wonderful connection and so supportive and wonderful for all relationships in your life! Hang in there and keep reaching out!!!❤️ [/QUOTE]
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