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Guilty.....again
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<blockquote data-quote="Deni D" data-source="post: 763897" data-attributes="member: 22840"><p>Cora, I don't think your decision was harsh at all. You can't save him but you can save yourself. What's harsh is that he seems to not be ready to step up for himself. But that's on him, no matter what his difficulties are.</p><p></p><p>If you were to agree that your home is his residence you very well might be stuck with him living with you while you go through months in the civil court to have him evicted. After who knows how many months, years, of putting up with his abuse. An absolute nightmare for you and no help for him. Even in jail he's demanding you do what he wants, seems he has no insight to his behavior, and thinks he can control you. The trouble with our adult children is they still see themselves as children who need/deserve protection. But they use adult bully tactics to get what they want, because they are in fact adults, as they wreck adult havoc on our lives and others.</p><p></p><p>I think your first answer was the best one for him and you,. If he's not willing to accept a reentry program then he is not ready to do what's needed of him to actually enter into society. He's asking you to deceive the authorities for him, not good.</p><p></p><p>We tend to put the guilt on ourselves, as if we take on what should be their guilt we can remove their sins. One thing we need to know is that misplaced guilt is our thing and gets us sucked in. My take is he can take on the responsibility of dealing with putting his life back together or not, but you cannot do it for him., as you know. And that's why you made the decision you did.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could take the feeling that spreads across your chest of guilt, hurt and despair away. You don't deserve it and you have no control of what a man decides to do about his life. I know you don't deserve it because you would not be here if you didn't care. Those who care do not do irreparable damage to their adult children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Deni D, post: 763897, member: 22840"] Cora, I don't think your decision was harsh at all. You can't save him but you can save yourself. What's harsh is that he seems to not be ready to step up for himself. But that's on him, no matter what his difficulties are. If you were to agree that your home is his residence you very well might be stuck with him living with you while you go through months in the civil court to have him evicted. After who knows how many months, years, of putting up with his abuse. An absolute nightmare for you and no help for him. Even in jail he's demanding you do what he wants, seems he has no insight to his behavior, and thinks he can control you. The trouble with our adult children is they still see themselves as children who need/deserve protection. But they use adult bully tactics to get what they want, because they are in fact adults, as they wreck adult havoc on our lives and others. I think your first answer was the best one for him and you,. If he's not willing to accept a reentry program then he is not ready to do what's needed of him to actually enter into society. He's asking you to deceive the authorities for him, not good. We tend to put the guilt on ourselves, as if we take on what should be their guilt we can remove their sins. One thing we need to know is that misplaced guilt is our thing and gets us sucked in. My take is he can take on the responsibility of dealing with putting his life back together or not, but you cannot do it for him., as you know. And that's why you made the decision you did. I wish I could take the feeling that spreads across your chest of guilt, hurt and despair away. You don't deserve it and you have no control of what a man decides to do about his life. I know you don't deserve it because you would not be here if you didn't care. Those who care do not do irreparable damage to their adult children. [/QUOTE]
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