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Substance Abuse
Had a second chance and blew it....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 653501" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>My son had those hearings too. He violated probation over and over again. It was painful to witness and my grief was deep and wide. My grief went on for a very long time, and it would bubble up at unexpected moments. </p><p></p><p>When I could, when I didn't have to go to a meeting or fulfill some responsibility, I would work to accept my grief. I made time for it. I allowed myself to lie down on the bed, cry for a long time, stare at the wall, sleep. When I got up, I felt better, but still very heavy with it all. One time I was driving in the car, and I started moaning. The pain was coming out, from a place deep inside me. It was an awful sound, even to my own ears. It helped me.</p><p></p><p>Grief is a protection for us. It is us saying, this is too much. I need to slow way, way down for a while. I need to turn inside myself and soothe myself. I am hurting badly. </p><p></p><p>I learned to be much more gentle and kind to myself during these times. These times are when I learned to buy flowers for the kitchen table, to sit on the front porch steps in the sun, to pull weeds in the yard, and to take lots of naps. </p><p></p><p>They were physical things, at those moments, not mental ones. I couldn't handle anything else mental.</p><p></p><p>WUC, please, be very gentle with YOU right now. Being sad won't kill you, and allowing yourself to just simply feel your feelings is healing. </p><p></p><p>Things will change with your son. They could get better and they could get worse for a while. I used to brace myself against jail, and then I learned that jail was a good thing...for me...when he was there. I could relax into knowing he had three meals and a roof. He probably wasn't using drugs. It was forced detox. I had to lean into the idea of jail, after bracing against it for so long. It didn't kill me. </p><p></p><p>Over a long, long time, I came to see that it is my own attitude and viewpoint about whatever is happening that hurts me the most. My son made a lot of really bad decisions, to my way of thinking. I can't understand or fathom it even today.</p><p></p><p>But it has been his own journey that he has had to walk, his own path, for whatever reason. Today, I work hard (and fail sometimes) to accept him for who he is. To accept life on life's terms. To lean in to whatever is happening. Because that is where peace is, and peace is what I want today, more than anything.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. We care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 653501, member: 17542"] My son had those hearings too. He violated probation over and over again. It was painful to witness and my grief was deep and wide. My grief went on for a very long time, and it would bubble up at unexpected moments. When I could, when I didn't have to go to a meeting or fulfill some responsibility, I would work to accept my grief. I made time for it. I allowed myself to lie down on the bed, cry for a long time, stare at the wall, sleep. When I got up, I felt better, but still very heavy with it all. One time I was driving in the car, and I started moaning. The pain was coming out, from a place deep inside me. It was an awful sound, even to my own ears. It helped me. Grief is a protection for us. It is us saying, this is too much. I need to slow way, way down for a while. I need to turn inside myself and soothe myself. I am hurting badly. I learned to be much more gentle and kind to myself during these times. These times are when I learned to buy flowers for the kitchen table, to sit on the front porch steps in the sun, to pull weeds in the yard, and to take lots of naps. They were physical things, at those moments, not mental ones. I couldn't handle anything else mental. WUC, please, be very gentle with YOU right now. Being sad won't kill you, and allowing yourself to just simply feel your feelings is healing. Things will change with your son. They could get better and they could get worse for a while. I used to brace myself against jail, and then I learned that jail was a good thing...for me...when he was there. I could relax into knowing he had three meals and a roof. He probably wasn't using drugs. It was forced detox. I had to lean into the idea of jail, after bracing against it for so long. It didn't kill me. Over a long, long time, I came to see that it is my own attitude and viewpoint about whatever is happening that hurts me the most. My son made a lot of really bad decisions, to my way of thinking. I can't understand or fathom it even today. But it has been his own journey that he has had to walk, his own path, for whatever reason. Today, I work hard (and fail sometimes) to accept him for who he is. To accept life on life's terms. To lean in to whatever is happening. Because that is where peace is, and peace is what I want today, more than anything. Keep posting. We care. [/QUOTE]
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