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hanging on to serenity
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 90509" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I'm not sure if Barb meant <em>this</em>, but what I see it as meaning is what is hard to change is not as much not "doing" or reacting to what these people in our lives do, but when they do something outrageous, (steal from us for example) we see it more simply, as "difficult child stole from me", rather than "difficult child stole from me because he has a drinking problem because some awful even happened that I can undo, (or a brain injury that can be treated) so I need to make doctor appointments for him." If you interpret it as a character flaw in difficult child, rather than something that you can fix, it clears away the clutter that makes us enablers.</p><p></p><p>Obviously that doesn't work with 8 year olds. They need our guidance. Once they're 16 - 17 ish and beyond, it's more about <em>them</em> interpreting their character flaws and wanting to change them, because there's really nothing you can say or do for them. You just don't have the influence on them that's needed anymore. </p><p></p><p>Of, course, that's only <em>my</em> interpretation of what Barb said. Maybe I got it completely wrong! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smile.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smile:" title="smile :smile:" data-shortname=":smile:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 90509, member: 99"] I'm not sure if Barb meant [I]this[/I], but what I see it as meaning is what is hard to change is not as much not "doing" or reacting to what these people in our lives do, but when they do something outrageous, (steal from us for example) we see it more simply, as "difficult child stole from me", rather than "difficult child stole from me because he has a drinking problem because some awful even happened that I can undo, (or a brain injury that can be treated) so I need to make doctor appointments for him." If you interpret it as a character flaw in difficult child, rather than something that you can fix, it clears away the clutter that makes us enablers. Obviously that doesn't work with 8 year olds. They need our guidance. Once they're 16 - 17 ish and beyond, it's more about [I]them[/I] interpreting their character flaws and wanting to change them, because there's really nothing you can say or do for them. You just don't have the influence on them that's needed anymore. Of, course, that's only [I]my[/I] interpretation of what Barb said. Maybe I got it completely wrong! :smile: [/QUOTE]
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