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Parent Emeritus
'Happy' New Year all! - I'm reaching out again
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 705560" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>Oh Lost, I'm so, so sorry for what you have been through the last couple of weeks. You poor dear. </p><p></p><p>That is his addict talking, Lost. The drugs are fully in control right now. </p><p></p><p>You are absolutely right, he cannot come home. He is in the grips of addiction and is a physical danger to you, your husband and your daughter.</p><p></p><p>It is bad enough when it is targeted against you and your husband, but your daughter is much too young to defend herself against it. Nor is having him around and tolerating his abhorrent behavior the example you want to set for her.</p><p></p><p>This is not even to mention the name-calling, the rages, the destruction of your property...</p><p></p><p>I do know how very hard it is when they have nowhere to go. I could type out quite a lengthy synopsis of all of the times we allowed my son to move back home, or helped him get his own place, because he had no other options. They all worked out the same. There is a reason why they have nothing and no one and nowhere to go, and the reason is them.</p><p></p><p>Cushioning their fall is good to do when they are learning to walk. It is what we are programmed to do as parents, and it makes us feel better, certainly. But I don't think it is the right thing to do when they are adults making such horrendous choices due to being in the grips of an addiction.</p><p></p><p>I know this is easy for me to say, because it's not my son, but my opinion is that when we give our problem children safe harbor BECAUSE of their bad behavior, all we are doing in terms of how it affects them is preventing them from seeing how bad off they have become.</p><p></p><p>Are you going to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings, Lost?</p><p></p><p>You are not alone. We do understand how hard this is. Please keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 705560, member: 17720"] Oh Lost, I'm so, so sorry for what you have been through the last couple of weeks. You poor dear. That is his addict talking, Lost. The drugs are fully in control right now. You are absolutely right, he cannot come home. He is in the grips of addiction and is a physical danger to you, your husband and your daughter. It is bad enough when it is targeted against you and your husband, but your daughter is much too young to defend herself against it. Nor is having him around and tolerating his abhorrent behavior the example you want to set for her. This is not even to mention the name-calling, the rages, the destruction of your property... I do know how very hard it is when they have nowhere to go. I could type out quite a lengthy synopsis of all of the times we allowed my son to move back home, or helped him get his own place, because he had no other options. They all worked out the same. There is a reason why they have nothing and no one and nowhere to go, and the reason is them. Cushioning their fall is good to do when they are learning to walk. It is what we are programmed to do as parents, and it makes us feel better, certainly. But I don't think it is the right thing to do when they are adults making such horrendous choices due to being in the grips of an addiction. I know this is easy for me to say, because it's not my son, but my opinion is that when we give our problem children safe harbor BECAUSE of their bad behavior, all we are doing in terms of how it affects them is preventing them from seeing how bad off they have become. Are you going to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings, Lost? You are not alone. We do understand how hard this is. Please keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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'Happy' New Year all! - I'm reaching out again
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