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Substance Abuse
'Happy' New Year all! - I'm reaching out again
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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 705605" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Hi Lost. I read every word you wrote.</p><p>Your son's behavior is unacceptable on every level. He's not a raving maniac, he can be polite at times---so...is the other behavior a choice? Let him suffer the consequences of his behaviors, words and deeds in order to learn. That is what we all do, learn from our mistakes. Early on, when our son acted as yours has, (which was every time we criticized, crossed or questioned him), I made excuses or ignored it hoping for better behavior in the future. But it didn't happen like that.</p><p> When called for a ride, asked to come home or pleaded with, we now say "I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sure you will figure it out. We love you." When he asks for $, we can say no and he accepts that without calling us every name in the book. It's so hard, we want to help but he must do it on his own. We will not live forever, he needs to find other support systems.</p><p></p><p></p><p>These say it all--should we have to be afraid in our own homes? Home should be your sanctuary. In your case at least set boundaries for your daughter's sake, he's a man, she's still a child, you know which one you should protect. If he had advanced on her, you would feel even more awful.</p><p></p><p></p><p>THIS IS IT. These kid/adults are resourceful beyond belief. He found his way to you at Christmas, he had a tent, he got girlfriends mother to let him come in out of the cold. He can figure this out and needs to do it on his own. Treating you with an F-you and then hoping in a week you'd forget? Don't let him think that's acceptable, many parents would cut off contact at this point. I found I couldn't completely cut ties but we stopped answering calls, texts. Now we simply don't respond for at least a day or two. Because our son's life is so up and down, by the time we connect, the emergency has past. We simply couldn't be available to him or he would eat us alive...and we are done letting that happen. Save yourself, you deserve it. You've done all you can. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 705605, member: 20054"] Hi Lost. I read every word you wrote. Your son's behavior is unacceptable on every level. He's not a raving maniac, he can be polite at times---so...is the other behavior a choice? Let him suffer the consequences of his behaviors, words and deeds in order to learn. That is what we all do, learn from our mistakes. Early on, when our son acted as yours has, (which was every time we criticized, crossed or questioned him), I made excuses or ignored it hoping for better behavior in the future. But it didn't happen like that. When called for a ride, asked to come home or pleaded with, we now say "I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sure you will figure it out. We love you." When he asks for $, we can say no and he accepts that without calling us every name in the book. It's so hard, we want to help but he must do it on his own. We will not live forever, he needs to find other support systems. These say it all--should we have to be afraid in our own homes? Home should be your sanctuary. In your case at least set boundaries for your daughter's sake, he's a man, she's still a child, you know which one you should protect. If he had advanced on her, you would feel even more awful. THIS IS IT. These kid/adults are resourceful beyond belief. He found his way to you at Christmas, he had a tent, he got girlfriends mother to let him come in out of the cold. He can figure this out and needs to do it on his own. Treating you with an F-you and then hoping in a week you'd forget? Don't let him think that's acceptable, many parents would cut off contact at this point. I found I couldn't completely cut ties but we stopped answering calls, texts. Now we simply don't respond for at least a day or two. Because our son's life is so up and down, by the time we connect, the emergency has past. We simply couldn't be available to him or he would eat us alive...and we are done letting that happen. Save yourself, you deserve it. You've done all you can. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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'Happy' New Year all! - I'm reaching out again
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