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Have i done the right thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764250" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I don't think there are answers to your questions. That will help us. I ask them too. I beg my son to go to treatment. To get a neuropsychological exam. What will it change? Nothing. He needs to want answers. He needs to want change.</p><p></p><p>The more I ask these questions, the more desperate I get. It is what it is. We cannot locate our well-being in our children's lives. Period.</p><p></p><p>We just can't. It doesn't help us. It does not help them. The only answer is that he may change or he may not. The whys are unknowable. We can come up with diagnoses; we can talk about lack of insight being a symptoms of the mental illness itself; we can talk about motivation and personality dynamics.</p><p></p><p>These are answers. But What do they really help and what do they tell us? Until he asks the questions. Until he is uncomfortable enough to find the answers. What does it all mean and what will it help? Not one whit.</p><p></p><p>There is one thing and one thing only for a mother to do. Let it be. Find a way to locate your well-being in yourself. Find a way to accept what is, uncritically, without defensiveness. To accept reality right now and to deal with it. It won't mean it can't change. But the locus of change, the motivation for change is not in us. It's in them. The thing is, the only reality you have control over is your own reality. You can change that. So can I. Our kids are responsible for their own lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764250, member: 18958"] I don't think there are answers to your questions. That will help us. I ask them too. I beg my son to go to treatment. To get a neuropsychological exam. What will it change? Nothing. He needs to want answers. He needs to want change. The more I ask these questions, the more desperate I get. It is what it is. We cannot locate our well-being in our children's lives. Period. We just can't. It doesn't help us. It does not help them. The only answer is that he may change or he may not. The whys are unknowable. We can come up with diagnoses; we can talk about lack of insight being a symptoms of the mental illness itself; we can talk about motivation and personality dynamics. These are answers. But What do they really help and what do they tell us? Until he asks the questions. Until he is uncomfortable enough to find the answers. What does it all mean and what will it help? Not one whit. There is one thing and one thing only for a mother to do. Let it be. Find a way to locate your well-being in yourself. Find a way to accept what is, uncritically, without defensiveness. To accept reality right now and to deal with it. It won't mean it can't change. But the locus of change, the motivation for change is not in us. It's in them. The thing is, the only reality you have control over is your own reality. You can change that. So can I. Our kids are responsible for their own lives. [/QUOTE]
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