I read something tonight, that we think of boundaries as protecting us from other people, but that this was wrong. They said boundaries are so that we protect ourselves from ourselves (or something like that. I will try to find where I saw it.)
If you walk on eggshells, plead, and beg, you are making yourself a victim to him or others. We become collaborators with others so that we shall be hurt, degraded, etc.
Everybody has good and bad impulses. if we're under enough stress (liquor loosens tongues) we can let out our own aggressive impulses. If we take seriously the quote I mention, we are responsible for almost everything that happens to us. And through our choices, we can become fully responsible for having the maximum good enter our sphere. It's our choices that protect us. By how we choose to live.
I take it as a given that everybody has an aggressive side. You've held in your frustration, fear, and resentment...and with the pressure you've been under, and wine..oh well, it's hardly a surprise; but acting out this way is not the crime of the century. We all do it. The incident actually has a positive side: To protect yourself, you might have to take a good look at your choices. You are angry. You don't want to walk on eggshells. You've been exposed to toxicity. This is an invitation to change. If you keep posting here, and especially, if you begin to respond to others' posts, you will begin to build strength, responsibility, and a hopeful and joyful way to be.
None of us have any control over how our adult children live. Your son is fully responsible for himself. You're right. Anything can happen. Bad or good. But your thoughts are not the causal factors, you know that. When you see your thinking go in this direction, stop it, and change to positive thinking. Al-Anon or Nar Anon teaches this. There are websites with readings that are very helpful, and meetings are now online, too. I suggest going. These groups would help you with boundaries, fears, guilt, and positive thinking. And a whole lot more.
Just remember. You're only human. We all are.
