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Haven't posted in awhile, still needing help.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 474561" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I just happened to get up early today (well, actually, my dog decided he had to go outside...you don't say "no" to that!). I read your post and hope I am sharp enough before coffee for a coherent reply. My very first comment is about the cats: PLEASE REHOME THEM! You don't know how badly he could be abusing them when you are not around and animals do not deserve being hit. Ok, onto the rest...</p><p></p><p>I adopted a "complicated" child out of foster care at two years old and another "complicated" kid at eleven. Any child whose birthmother abused drugs while pregnant probably also drank a lot. Unfortunately, the drugs/drinking combination does not leave them unscathed and causes a lot of issues...sometimes fetal alcohol syndrome or effects, which are pretty much the same except that with the syndrome there are definite facial characteristics and with effects there aren't. Both, plus any drug use, leave our kids with compromised abilities of impulse control, at the very least. Most of the time there are also learning differences, often autistic spectrum problems, and a lot of anger that is hard to treat. Sometimes the normal therapy and medications just do not work for our unique children. Do you have any accurate genetic history on your child? This also figures in...DNA is huge. Lastly, if a child is not adopted at birth there are usually some attachment issues, from mild to very severe.Our eleven year old adopted child lived with us for two years until we found out that he was doing some very horrible things both to the younger children (sexual) and our animals (killing them). Here are the three symptoms of a budding childhood psychopath. I am not posting them to scare you...I am posting them so that you can figure out how bad it really is. We learned all this after our eleven year old was removed from our house and we were told, "This child should never have been put into a family. He is unsafe to everybody."</p><p></p><p>The three BIG symptoms are:</p><p>1/Inappropriate peeing and pooping, sometimes all over the house, sometimes just at an older age in his pants.</p><p></p><p>2/Cruelty to animals is a huge one.</p><p></p><p>3/An over interest in fire, playing with matches, starting fires.</p><p></p><p>You also have to be careful who is treating your child. If it is somebody who is not used to treating older adopted children, you are probably wasting your time. You need a doctor who is very much used to our types of children. Because of all the prenatal problems, early abuse before we adopted them, and unknown history, our children are very hard to diagnose and treat. Some can get better and some can not. It all depends on what the problems are. I very much doubt that normal parenting methods, such as time outs or grounding, will do any good. He may just get sneakier about what he does.</p><p></p><p>Our eleven year old, who left at thirteen, is on the extreme end. He acted like an angel to all adults and until we got him, nobody guessed the atrocities he was doing. The sexual behavior was chronic and the worst you can imagine (I am so fortunate that my two younger kids are doing so well...we are keeping up with therapy). This child also set little fires in front of my younger children and threatened to burn the house down and kill us all, including himself, if they ever said a word about anything to us. They did not tell us. They believed him. Also, we found poop and urine in our closets all over...we thought it was a dog we had adopted. Plus he killed two of our dogs (at first we suspected a racist neighbor, but the second time...well, we knew). My daughter reported, after e left, that he had tried to strangle a few cats, but had stopped when he saw her looking. After he left, the two younger kids felt free to tell us everything and we were horrified because we had not had any idea and they had been too scared of him to say anything. At age thirteen he was tried and convicted of sexual assault of a minor (because the other kids were so much younger than him) and he was taken to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for young sexual perpetrators.</p><p></p><p></p><p>At the very least, your son sounds very much as if he has Reactive Attachment Disorder, like mine did/does (we haven't seen him for years). He may be safest living out of the home. I would call social services to see if they can help you. You want to get him to a safe place before something REALLY bad happens, like it did for us.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are going through this. I recommend joining a special needs adoption group. You will find that you are not alone and get very good advice. Hugs to you and keep us updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 474561, member: 1550"] Hi there. I just happened to get up early today (well, actually, my dog decided he had to go outside...you don't say "no" to that!). I read your post and hope I am sharp enough before coffee for a coherent reply. My very first comment is about the cats: PLEASE REHOME THEM! You don't know how badly he could be abusing them when you are not around and animals do not deserve being hit. Ok, onto the rest... I adopted a "complicated" child out of foster care at two years old and another "complicated" kid at eleven. Any child whose birthmother abused drugs while pregnant probably also drank a lot. Unfortunately, the drugs/drinking combination does not leave them unscathed and causes a lot of issues...sometimes fetal alcohol syndrome or effects, which are pretty much the same except that with the syndrome there are definite facial characteristics and with effects there aren't. Both, plus any drug use, leave our kids with compromised abilities of impulse control, at the very least. Most of the time there are also learning differences, often autistic spectrum problems, and a lot of anger that is hard to treat. Sometimes the normal therapy and medications just do not work for our unique children. Do you have any accurate genetic history on your child? This also figures in...DNA is huge. Lastly, if a child is not adopted at birth there are usually some attachment issues, from mild to very severe.Our eleven year old adopted child lived with us for two years until we found out that he was doing some very horrible things both to the younger children (sexual) and our animals (killing them). Here are the three symptoms of a budding childhood psychopath. I am not posting them to scare you...I am posting them so that you can figure out how bad it really is. We learned all this after our eleven year old was removed from our house and we were told, "This child should never have been put into a family. He is unsafe to everybody." The three BIG symptoms are: 1/Inappropriate peeing and pooping, sometimes all over the house, sometimes just at an older age in his pants. 2/Cruelty to animals is a huge one. 3/An over interest in fire, playing with matches, starting fires. You also have to be careful who is treating your child. If it is somebody who is not used to treating older adopted children, you are probably wasting your time. You need a doctor who is very much used to our types of children. Because of all the prenatal problems, early abuse before we adopted them, and unknown history, our children are very hard to diagnose and treat. Some can get better and some can not. It all depends on what the problems are. I very much doubt that normal parenting methods, such as time outs or grounding, will do any good. He may just get sneakier about what he does. Our eleven year old, who left at thirteen, is on the extreme end. He acted like an angel to all adults and until we got him, nobody guessed the atrocities he was doing. The sexual behavior was chronic and the worst you can imagine (I am so fortunate that my two younger kids are doing so well...we are keeping up with therapy). This child also set little fires in front of my younger children and threatened to burn the house down and kill us all, including himself, if they ever said a word about anything to us. They did not tell us. They believed him. Also, we found poop and urine in our closets all over...we thought it was a dog we had adopted. Plus he killed two of our dogs (at first we suspected a racist neighbor, but the second time...well, we knew). My daughter reported, after e left, that he had tried to strangle a few cats, but had stopped when he saw her looking. After he left, the two younger kids felt free to tell us everything and we were horrified because we had not had any idea and they had been too scared of him to say anything. At age thirteen he was tried and convicted of sexual assault of a minor (because the other kids were so much younger than him) and he was taken to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for young sexual perpetrators. At the very least, your son sounds very much as if he has Reactive Attachment Disorder, like mine did/does (we haven't seen him for years). He may be safest living out of the home. I would call social services to see if they can help you. You want to get him to a safe place before something REALLY bad happens, like it did for us. I'm sorry you are going through this. I recommend joining a special needs adoption group. You will find that you are not alone and get very good advice. Hugs to you and keep us updated. [/QUOTE]
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