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Having a hard time being nice
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 717750" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My son always charmed people into thinking he was so sweet and I was the horrible one. My son is very clearly on the autism spectrum though, there is no doubt. But he would tell stories about us, especially me, that would sound so stupid if these people actually gave them one second of actual thought. So often the advice of the doctors and therapists was as useless as that of anyone else. Often it was to 'wait the behavior out'. How do you do that when the behavior is violent and harming you? I used to hear how wonderful my son was from many of the doctors. I offered to let him go live with more than a few of these idjits who thought he was so great. Just for a week or so. To let them try their new therapeutic ideas, give them a good foothold, you know. </p><p></p><p>Oddly, not one single doctor or therapist EVER took me up on it. Two junior therapists tried to, but their supervising therapists wouldn't allow it. I was disappointed. I think it should be required that they take patients that they think are wonderful and the parents think are horrendous to live with home for long enough for the honeymoon period to wear off.</p><p></p><p>Your son is so sweet after being so vile and evil to you because he has gotten his anger out, taken it all out on you. It was cathartic for him. The storm is over and all is sweet and fresh for him. He honestly will probably wonder what you are upset about. After all, it is all about him, isn't it? </p><p></p><p>He is not capable of seeing things from your point of view. He cannot understand that you are scared of him, and angry with him, because just a couple of hours ago you were terrorized by him. In his mind, that is over and all is great with the world, so what is your problem? Sadly, he is going to have huge problems with the world with this approach. The rest of the world is going to impose consequences for his behavior, and likely those won't go away after he is done getting angry. So don't give in and let go of consequences for his behavior just because he is done being ugly. Feel what you feel and don't change that just because he tells you to feel something different. No matter how persuasive his argument. Listen to your internal compass and not his bovine excrement. What he tells you IS bovine excrement.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 717750, member: 1233"] My son always charmed people into thinking he was so sweet and I was the horrible one. My son is very clearly on the autism spectrum though, there is no doubt. But he would tell stories about us, especially me, that would sound so stupid if these people actually gave them one second of actual thought. So often the advice of the doctors and therapists was as useless as that of anyone else. Often it was to 'wait the behavior out'. How do you do that when the behavior is violent and harming you? I used to hear how wonderful my son was from many of the doctors. I offered to let him go live with more than a few of these idjits who thought he was so great. Just for a week or so. To let them try their new therapeutic ideas, give them a good foothold, you know. Oddly, not one single doctor or therapist EVER took me up on it. Two junior therapists tried to, but their supervising therapists wouldn't allow it. I was disappointed. I think it should be required that they take patients that they think are wonderful and the parents think are horrendous to live with home for long enough for the honeymoon period to wear off. Your son is so sweet after being so vile and evil to you because he has gotten his anger out, taken it all out on you. It was cathartic for him. The storm is over and all is sweet and fresh for him. He honestly will probably wonder what you are upset about. After all, it is all about him, isn't it? He is not capable of seeing things from your point of view. He cannot understand that you are scared of him, and angry with him, because just a couple of hours ago you were terrorized by him. In his mind, that is over and all is great with the world, so what is your problem? Sadly, he is going to have huge problems with the world with this approach. The rest of the world is going to impose consequences for his behavior, and likely those won't go away after he is done getting angry. So don't give in and let go of consequences for his behavior just because he is done being ugly. Feel what you feel and don't change that just because he tells you to feel something different. No matter how persuasive his argument. Listen to your internal compass and not his bovine excrement. What he tells you IS bovine excrement. [/QUOTE]
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