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Having a hard time Letting Go
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 766039" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello. I think we need to find a way to have a balance. On the one side there is REALITY. How can we ignore how our adult children act? And the past is the best predictor of the present. There is another reality that is present: Your daughter is another adult. She has the opportunity and obligation not only to manage her own life but to reach out to you both to request contact and to reassure you that she has changed. She, not you, bears that responsibility.</p><p></p><p>If she has not done this, there is the likelihood that today's reality will be the same as the past. We have the obligation to face reality and to accept this. Barring, my son's desire to change and concrete steps to change, he is likely to behave the same as he has for many years.This is my truth to accept</p><p></p><p>It is never okay to accept abuse of any kind. We are not obligated to do so.</p><p></p><p>Yes. I do. My life is way better with my son away from me. He calls, I am tense and sad. I don't want him near me. He tries to guilt me and I don't buy it. I tell him, I tried years and years and years to help you and to influence you, without any effect. Just because you want to live like you do doesn't mean I have to or want to. I don't want to live like you do and I won't.</p><p></p><p>Yes. The balance we can have is to accept the good with the bad. We don't have any control over what our children choose for themselves. We have much more potential for control to choose what we want. If you are depressed, get help from a professional or spiritually. I did both. For 3 years I have seen a psychologist twice a week, and I do spiritual work twice a week. I no longer am depressed. I feel sad sometimes, but I accept the sadness as part of life.</p><p></p><p>I do miss my son. I love him. But I don't miss how he has been for the past 12 years. I accept that life has inconsistencies and ambivalence. That nothing is a straight shot. Like music has highs and lows, so do our feelings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 766039, member: 18958"] Hello. I think we need to find a way to have a balance. On the one side there is REALITY. How can we ignore how our adult children act? And the past is the best predictor of the present. There is another reality that is present: Your daughter is another adult. She has the opportunity and obligation not only to manage her own life but to reach out to you both to request contact and to reassure you that she has changed. She, not you, bears that responsibility. If she has not done this, there is the likelihood that today's reality will be the same as the past. We have the obligation to face reality and to accept this. Barring, my son's desire to change and concrete steps to change, he is likely to behave the same as he has for many years.This is my truth to accept It is never okay to accept abuse of any kind. We are not obligated to do so. Yes. I do. My life is way better with my son away from me. He calls, I am tense and sad. I don't want him near me. He tries to guilt me and I don't buy it. I tell him, I tried years and years and years to help you and to influence you, without any effect. Just because you want to live like you do doesn't mean I have to or want to. I don't want to live like you do and I won't. Yes. The balance we can have is to accept the good with the bad. We don't have any control over what our children choose for themselves. We have much more potential for control to choose what we want. If you are depressed, get help from a professional or spiritually. I did both. For 3 years I have seen a psychologist twice a week, and I do spiritual work twice a week. I no longer am depressed. I feel sad sometimes, but I accept the sadness as part of life. I do miss my son. I love him. But I don't miss how he has been for the past 12 years. I accept that life has inconsistencies and ambivalence. That nothing is a straight shot. Like music has highs and lows, so do our feelings. [/QUOTE]
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