Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Having trouble detaching
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764299" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Beta. I suffer for you. My son J is 35 now. It's hard for me to believe. I have gone months without contact. It was much harder for me years ago. I have much more frequent contact with him now. In some ways, it is more difficult, up close and personal. I think the key is not the time of out of contact it is <em>acceptance</em>.</p><p></p><p>We are living nightmares, you and I. And so are our children. And we can't help them. The powerlessness and helplessness is unfathomable. I have long-term friends, of 55 years, and 45 years long friendships. One NEVER asks about my child. The other has learned occasionally to ask. They don't want to go there because who would?</p><p></p><p>There is an article today in the NYTimes. It's about falling. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/24/opinion/falling-shame-aging.html" target="_blank">Opinion | Why My Fall Made Me Feel So Ashamed</a>. I was interested because I keep falling on my face and breaking bones. I have had 6 fractures. This writer fell and had all kinds of feelings of vulnerability but didn't break anything. I am going to go and copy the article or a link to it. But the gist of what I want to say is this: There was the realization on my part that I have deep, deep feelings of pain, fear, depression, loss, ABOUT FALLING. Imagine what we feel about our fallen sons.</p><p></p><p> I believe WE are traumatized. And what we feel is trauma.</p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say is that we need to view ourselves, not our sons as the afflicted. We, not they, are in the narrow straits. We, not them need to be rescued. We, not them need to be cared for. Even saved.</p><p></p><p>I only read this article this morning, but since then I have had a different relationship with my feelings. And a different response to them. I feel them gently. I caress them. I allow myself to rest. I accept myself.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The feelings you have are not contingent on anything about Josh. They are contingent on a response from you. You are calling out. The response will come to you.</p><p></p><p>I am so, so sorry you are suffering. I know you can find peace. I know you will.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764299, member: 18958"] Hi Beta. I suffer for you. My son J is 35 now. It's hard for me to believe. I have gone months without contact. It was much harder for me years ago. I have much more frequent contact with him now. In some ways, it is more difficult, up close and personal. I think the key is not the time of out of contact it is [I]acceptance[/I]. We are living nightmares, you and I. And so are our children. And we can't help them. The powerlessness and helplessness is unfathomable. I have long-term friends, of 55 years, and 45 years long friendships. One NEVER asks about my child. The other has learned occasionally to ask. They don't want to go there because who would? There is an article today in the NYTimes. It's about falling. [URL='https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/24/opinion/falling-shame-aging.html']Opinion | Why My Fall Made Me Feel So Ashamed[/URL]. I was interested because I keep falling on my face and breaking bones. I have had 6 fractures. This writer fell and had all kinds of feelings of vulnerability but didn't break anything. I am going to go and copy the article or a link to it. But the gist of what I want to say is this: There was the realization on my part that I have deep, deep feelings of pain, fear, depression, loss, ABOUT FALLING. Imagine what we feel about our fallen sons. I believe WE are traumatized. And what we feel is trauma. What I am trying to say is that we need to view ourselves, not our sons as the afflicted. We, not they, are in the narrow straits. We, not them need to be rescued. We, not them need to be cared for. Even saved. I only read this article this morning, but since then I have had a different relationship with my feelings. And a different response to them. I feel them gently. I caress them. I allow myself to rest. I accept myself. The feelings you have are not contingent on anything about Josh. They are contingent on a response from you. You are calling out. The response will come to you. I am so, so sorry you are suffering. I know you can find peace. I know you will. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Having trouble detaching
Top