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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 764327" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p><em> "Are there any of you out there who have lost contact with your adult child for a long period of time? How do you deal with the grief and not allow it to overwhelm you?"</em></p><p></p><p>I can't 100 percent answer this because I have not gone "no contact" for any long period of time. In her own way, I suppose, our daughter is attached to us. It's not particularly healthy and its, as it is for all of us, rather complicated and very often strained.</p><p></p><p>But, I have by and large become detached. In my case, it involved a few things. I think starting with an incident that forced my eyes open. I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that there wasn't anything I could do to change the situation. I had given it 100-110 percent and that extra 10 percent just about did me in. So, for me, it started with that realization.</p><p></p><p>Additionally, as I hinted at about the 10 percent...I realized that not only were my efforts futile, but it was hurting me tremendously Physically, emotionally and in every way. This is the worst situation anyone could ever be in.</p><p></p><p>Lastly, I found my faith a balm. I recall years ago speaking with a young alcoholic with three DUI's. Frankly, I was very worried about his future. But, one day he said to me, that he thinks that only a higher power can help him at this point. He was willing to get counseling and to try his best (terrific signs) BUT, he also felt that what lied ahead was going to be sooo difficult, he needed help from Above. Hmmm. It stuck with me. And, although I had turned to God, many times (more like begging for help to be honest), this time things were different. I was humble. I was "spent." I had acceptance. I just wanted to some peace. Some wisdom. The ability to disengage from the madness. And, lo and behold....it happened.</p><p></p><p>Today, our daughter lives in another state. She stays at a hotel. Years ago, I would of thought this as a negative. Today, not so much. We help her minimally. She wants to see a therapist, and we help her get to and from those appointments and to pay for them. IF we help her in any way, it usually involves something medical. I'm ok with this limited contact and this limited help. There is almost no more grief. Almost no more pain. It just is. And, I've moved on...exploring hobbies and praying often.</p><p></p><p>My prayer for you is that you get some relief from this horrible grief you are experiencing and are able to detach from this madness. I might also add that for a short period of time we went to Families Anonymous and this was a very nice support group of people in very similar situations. All the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 764327, member: 4152"] [I] "Are there any of you out there who have lost contact with your adult child for a long period of time? How do you deal with the grief and not allow it to overwhelm you?"[/I] I can't 100 percent answer this because I have not gone "no contact" for any long period of time. In her own way, I suppose, our daughter is attached to us. It's not particularly healthy and its, as it is for all of us, rather complicated and very often strained. But, I have by and large become detached. In my case, it involved a few things. I think starting with an incident that forced my eyes open. I realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that there wasn't anything I could do to change the situation. I had given it 100-110 percent and that extra 10 percent just about did me in. So, for me, it started with that realization. Additionally, as I hinted at about the 10 percent...I realized that not only were my efforts futile, but it was hurting me tremendously Physically, emotionally and in every way. This is the worst situation anyone could ever be in. Lastly, I found my faith a balm. I recall years ago speaking with a young alcoholic with three DUI's. Frankly, I was very worried about his future. But, one day he said to me, that he thinks that only a higher power can help him at this point. He was willing to get counseling and to try his best (terrific signs) BUT, he also felt that what lied ahead was going to be sooo difficult, he needed help from Above. Hmmm. It stuck with me. And, although I had turned to God, many times (more like begging for help to be honest), this time things were different. I was humble. I was "spent." I had acceptance. I just wanted to some peace. Some wisdom. The ability to disengage from the madness. And, lo and behold....it happened. Today, our daughter lives in another state. She stays at a hotel. Years ago, I would of thought this as a negative. Today, not so much. We help her minimally. She wants to see a therapist, and we help her get to and from those appointments and to pay for them. IF we help her in any way, it usually involves something medical. I'm ok with this limited contact and this limited help. There is almost no more grief. Almost no more pain. It just is. And, I've moved on...exploring hobbies and praying often. My prayer for you is that you get some relief from this horrible grief you are experiencing and are able to detach from this madness. I might also add that for a short period of time we went to Families Anonymous and this was a very nice support group of people in very similar situations. All the best. [/QUOTE]
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