I am very relieved that you spoke with him. It seems like you are getting a clear handle on what his limitations are and your own and you can only work with what he is capable of.... the important thing you said is that he is not a danger to you. I think one thing we do as parents is try to guide our children... and somtimes our boundaries are ways to guide them but sometimes that crosses over into ways to try and control them.
I have had to get really clear on that with my son..... that when my setting limits with him was about my trying to control his behavior it never worked... ie if I am trying to get him to do something (ie to stop smoking pot) it never worked. The limits always had to be about something that was about me.....no I cant have him live with me because I dont trust him because he steals from me. I had to realize my sons drug use and addiction is his to deal with and even when he was living with me him using could not even be a condition of his living here... not having drugs in our house could be a condition because that could affect us (although he broke that rule too) but him using I had no control over.
Anyway I think it is important in your case to understand what he can and cant do, what he is willing and not willing to do and what you are able and not able to do and are willing or not willing to live with.
