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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746864" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I hope you are all well.</p><p></p><p>I have been living my life trying to focus upon the recovery that I need and letting my son live his life. Occasionally, I will text him but in the last two weeks there have been no attempts at meeting or thoughts of same.</p><p></p><p>My dilemma is this: The other house is nearly finished, the one I bought because it has an apartment over the garage where my son can stay. M thinks I should go ahead and rent out the whole apartment as well as the separate house and forget about leaving a space for my son. He says the writing on the wall is that if my son does not even want me to see him, that the idea that he return is farfetched; that I would be forfeiting the rent for nothing, just waiting for a J who is out there and not headed back.</p><p></p><p>It is true that my son has made no effort to speak to me about returning. While I would not be forfeiting the whole rent, by keeping a room open, as I would be renting a room to M's brother in law, the question arises whether or not this is an unwise proposition. Am I living in fantasy land? Keeping alive a reality that no longer exists? At the time I bought the property my son was trying to make things work with us, and there seemed to be the possibility of a middle ground that may no longer exist.</p><p></p><p>And the other thing that has changed, is me. I am trying hard to confront my own feelings in me, rather than as located in him, about him. While I am suffering, I am no longer suffering as much about HIM.</p><p></p><p>So the question is, do I move and leave my son to his own efforts, without a place to come back to? And do I walk the plank to a place that feels uncomfortable and scary? </p><p></p><p>The idea of doing this is both scary and exciting. It is exciting because it would be putting down this great burden that I have been carrying. It would be scary because I would have to move on. At the same time, I recognize that moving on is a good thing.</p><p></p><p>I can also see it might be a good thing for him to let him face his life himself. Without the possibility of coming back. </p><p></p><p>But is this really me? Can I do this? Should I? I don't know.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746864, member: 18958"] I hope you are all well. I have been living my life trying to focus upon the recovery that I need and letting my son live his life. Occasionally, I will text him but in the last two weeks there have been no attempts at meeting or thoughts of same. My dilemma is this: The other house is nearly finished, the one I bought because it has an apartment over the garage where my son can stay. M thinks I should go ahead and rent out the whole apartment as well as the separate house and forget about leaving a space for my son. He says the writing on the wall is that if my son does not even want me to see him, that the idea that he return is farfetched; that I would be forfeiting the rent for nothing, just waiting for a J who is out there and not headed back. It is true that my son has made no effort to speak to me about returning. While I would not be forfeiting the whole rent, by keeping a room open, as I would be renting a room to M's brother in law, the question arises whether or not this is an unwise proposition. Am I living in fantasy land? Keeping alive a reality that no longer exists? At the time I bought the property my son was trying to make things work with us, and there seemed to be the possibility of a middle ground that may no longer exist. And the other thing that has changed, is me. I am trying hard to confront my own feelings in me, rather than as located in him, about him. While I am suffering, I am no longer suffering as much about HIM. So the question is, do I move and leave my son to his own efforts, without a place to come back to? And do I walk the plank to a place that feels uncomfortable and scary? The idea of doing this is both scary and exciting. It is exciting because it would be putting down this great burden that I have been carrying. It would be scary because I would have to move on. At the same time, I recognize that moving on is a good thing. I can also see it might be a good thing for him to let him face his life himself. Without the possibility of coming back. But is this really me? Can I do this? Should I? I don't know. Thank you very much. [/QUOTE]
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