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He is Ramping up Please give me Strenght.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 721968" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>LBL, breathe. </p><p>It is NOT the end of the world, or the story. </p><p>This is the hardest part where you feel whipped and defeated, but you are not. </p><p>YOU are your sons hero.</p><p>Though it doesn't feel that way, and he would not say it, you are.</p><p>You have taken the most courageous step in the game. </p><p>You have said ENOUGH!</p><p>Oh how I feel for you and your aching Mommas heart, <em>but our hearts do become treacherous at times, letting our emotions drive us.</em></p><p>It is crazy making.</p><p>This is the time where you have to get a hold of yourself and understand that this ramping up is the drugs driving the bus.</p><p>HIS BUS.</p><p></p><p>You are ruining his life? REALLY? You are ruining the ease of his partying! You are making it harder for him to continue as is. GOOD!</p><p> Concentrate on this, he is still doing exactly what got him into trouble in the first place. </p><p>This is on him, not you.</p><p>Our d c's in the throes of addiction are extremely clever and manipulative. </p><p>They are heart and mind readers and instinctively know how to push our buttons, to put us in such a state of desperation that <em>we don't know which way to turn.</em></p><p>He is showing you through his actions that he has no intention of changing at this time. </p><p>He is continuing as is. </p><p>He is using your broken heart against you. </p><p>It is insidious, cruel and hurtful.</p><p>You are smarter than that.</p><p>He is reaching into that bag of tricks.</p><p>So, you must find something, anything to help you build your toolbox.</p><p>Music helps me.</p><p>My theme song this week has been "Stop Dragging My Heart Around"</p><p>Find a quote that inspires you</p><p>Here is one that helps me</p><p><img src="http://www.selfhelpdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/What-you-allow-is-what-will-continue.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /> </p><p></p><p>Look up the stages of grief and understand <em>exactly </em>what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>Find a champion, a mentor who you can turn to to give you strength. Mine is my Dad and Mom, understanding that they would never, ever let anyone of us kids mistreat them. "OUT you go!" is what they would say. In those days, things were so different, respect was first and foremost. </p><p>They had the self worth and respect for their right to live in a peaceful home.</p><p></p><p>That is not selfish, that is self respect.</p><p></p><p>Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and dig yourself out of the quicksand. </p><p>If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your son. </p><p>Understand that by putting him out of your house you have said no more, no mas. </p><p>You are not allowing this insanity in your home.</p><p></p><p><em>You will not help him to continue as is.</em></p><p></p><p>The more he ramps it up and persists at his tantrum throwing, demanding his own way- is more evidence that he is status quo and YOU have done the right thing. </p><p>YOU have done the best thing for him. </p><p>You are making it harder for him to continue as is and he HATES it! </p><p>GOOD!</p><p>He is not comfortable.</p><p>GOOD!</p><p>As long as he is uncomfortable, he has to look at himself in the mirror.</p><p>He will squirm and whine and try to manipulate his way back, he will pull everything out of his bag of tricks to make YOU feel miserable.</p><p>DON"T LET HIM!</p><p>These are HIS choices that put him where he is.</p><p>HIS CHOICES.</p><p></p><p>You have every reason to shift from feeling weak to becoming righteously indignant.</p><p>Rather than a moth to the flame, </p><p>visualize every rant, every blow, as the hammer coming down,<em> strengthening your armor</em>. </p><p></p><p>He wants you to lament and feel desolate, because in this state, we cannot make good decisions and our judgement is skewed.</p><p>This is how drugs drive the bus and we become unwitting passengers.</p><p></p><p>Get off the bus.</p><p> </p><p></p><p>Find a way to get away from the ordeal, give your heart and mind a break.</p><p></p><p>Put on some music that inspires you.</p><p>Go to your place of comfort.</p><p>Take a drive.</p><p>Go to the forrest, or beach, or anywhere that gives you peace.</p><p>Call to a higher power, if that is your way.</p><p></p><p>You can do this LBL and we are all right here with you. </p><p>Breathe and find a way to take care of yourself. </p><p>One step at a time. </p><p>You've got this.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><img src="http://It has been a long while since I have written here. I have been working hard at shifting my focus and trying to rediscover (reinvent?) myself, which caused a hiatus from posting. I returned from my walk the other morning deep in thought and a bit troubled by recent events with Tornado. I logged on to see an alert to this post. It was the quote that triggered the alert, Albie, a reminder to me, as I still wrestle with my heart, my thoughts and the winding road of dealing with this You all have been such a support, a true lighthouse in calm and stormy times in my own struggle with what I see now as a sychronistic tailspin with two addicted adult children. Like a moth to the flame, drawn by love and despair, burned over and again by the heartache of it all. Dammit, as lost as they are in their drug world, I became lost myself. These are our children, and we are catapulted smack dab into the desolation of their addiction. It is an unimaginable pain, the grief, unbearable. Grief. I have learned from the loss of hubs a different grief that waxes and wanes, ebbs and flows. The necessity of carrying on, surviving and passage of time lessen the blow, yet how I do miss him. Death has a way of forcing an acceptance of what is. He. Is gone. That is the grief of death. The grief of living, living with this it is unending, constant This grief we deal with, is rekindled with each twist and turn, the blows just keep on and on and on. Here we all are, holding each other's hearts and hands, trying to soften those blows. LBL, that morning walk, I prayed and traveled the maze in my mind, seeking solace from my latest episode with Tornado. I was also grappling with thoughts of her approaching birthday, October 20. She will be 29. I found myself spinning again, that moth to the flame feeling....... Stop. Breath. Rethink. If I could change one word in that old post Albie quoted, it would be ignore. How can any mother ignore this? I suppose at the time of writing it, I was at a point in the stages of grief, fed up, tired, angry. I needed respite from the battle. I was tired of feeling lost. Probably in a "no contact" period, often imposed by my daughter as punishment. What an odd world we are living in, dealing day in and out with the degradation of this Ugh. Today, I would say ignoring it is impossible, it is always In the back of my mind. Recognition of that has helped me in the never ending road of recovery. It is not because I am strong, it is because I am weak. The years I spent thinking I could rescue my two proved that. I love my children with all of my heart, the truth is, they will use that love to my detriment. Keep me wrapped up completely in their drama. My two are con artists and I am their easy mark. They have a bag of tricks and I am no match. I went through all the shoulda, woulda, coulda, over and again. Until I learned. That isn't ignoring, that's bloody work. I had to step back. Like an outmatched boxer in the ring I had to bob and weave and step back. The blows kept on coming. Ignore them? No way. I have to continuously build my toolbox bigger than their bag of tricks. I have to keep reminding myself that I never want to go to that place of desperation again. That takes training. Reframing my mindset, flipping the switch. It has been and will be a long process. I have succeeded and failed, one step forward, two steps back, as we all have. These d cs have impecccable timing, just when it seems that I am coming out of it-WHAM! Blindsided. Clotheslined. I cry when I need to, shake it off. I just don't live there anymore. Can't, won't. But I don't ignore my two and the choices they make. I try to look at it right in the face. They are drug addicts. Addicts lie and steal. Addicts harm their loved ones. Swot, I used to think that was harsh to write here to hurting parents, but it is the reality of it. Truth. We all must do what we must do to deal with this. I think it was Cedar who wrote "lest we cannot look ourselves in the mirror" You are right to give your son his wings to fly on his own. It is not an easy thing either way, how I do feel for you and your aching heart. I wish I had known many years ago at the start of all this, what I know now." alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 721968, member: 19522"] LBL, breathe. It is NOT the end of the world, or the story. This is the hardest part where you feel whipped and defeated, but you are not. YOU are your sons hero. Though it doesn't feel that way, and he would not say it, you are. You have taken the most courageous step in the game. You have said ENOUGH! Oh how I feel for you and your aching Mommas heart, [I]but our hearts do become treacherous at times, letting our emotions drive us.[/I] It is crazy making. This is the time where you have to get a hold of yourself and understand that this ramping up is the drugs driving the bus. HIS BUS. You are ruining his life? REALLY? You are ruining the ease of his partying! You are making it harder for him to continue as is. GOOD! Concentrate on this, he is still doing exactly what got him into trouble in the first place. This is on him, not you. Our d c's in the throes of addiction are extremely clever and manipulative. They are heart and mind readers and instinctively know how to push our buttons, to put us in such a state of desperation that [I]we don't know which way to turn.[/I] He is showing you through his actions that he has no intention of changing at this time. He is continuing as is. He is using your broken heart against you. It is insidious, cruel and hurtful. You are smarter than that. He is reaching into that bag of tricks. So, you must find something, anything to help you build your toolbox. Music helps me. My theme song this week has been "Stop Dragging My Heart Around" Find a quote that inspires you Here is one that helps me [IMG]http://www.selfhelpdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/What-you-allow-is-what-will-continue.jpg[/IMG] Look up the stages of grief and understand [I]exactly [/I]what you are going through. Find a champion, a mentor who you can turn to to give you strength. Mine is my Dad and Mom, understanding that they would never, ever let anyone of us kids mistreat them. "OUT you go!" is what they would say. In those days, things were so different, respect was first and foremost. They had the self worth and respect for their right to live in a peaceful home. That is not selfish, that is self respect. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and dig yourself out of the quicksand. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your son. Understand that by putting him out of your house you have said no more, no mas. You are not allowing this insanity in your home. [I]You will not help him to continue as is.[/I] The more he ramps it up and persists at his tantrum throwing, demanding his own way- is more evidence that he is status quo and YOU have done the right thing. YOU have done the best thing for him. You are making it harder for him to continue as is and he HATES it! GOOD! He is not comfortable. GOOD! As long as he is uncomfortable, he has to look at himself in the mirror. He will squirm and whine and try to manipulate his way back, he will pull everything out of his bag of tricks to make YOU feel miserable. DON"T LET HIM! These are HIS choices that put him where he is. HIS CHOICES. You have every reason to shift from feeling weak to becoming righteously indignant. Rather than a moth to the flame, visualize every rant, every blow, as the hammer coming down,[I] strengthening your armor[/I]. He wants you to lament and feel desolate, because in this state, we cannot make good decisions and our judgement is skewed. This is how drugs drive the bus and we become unwitting passengers. Get off the bus. Find a way to get away from the ordeal, give your heart and mind a break. Put on some music that inspires you. Go to your place of comfort. Take a drive. Go to the forrest, or beach, or anywhere that gives you peace. Call to a higher power, if that is your way. You can do this LBL and we are all right here with you. Breathe and find a way to take care of yourself. One step at a time. You've got this. (((HUGS))) Leafy [IMG]http://It has been a long while since I have written here. I have been working hard at shifting my focus and trying to rediscover (reinvent?) myself, which caused a hiatus from posting. I returned from my walk the other morning deep in thought and a bit troubled by recent events with Tornado. I logged on to see an alert to this post. It was the quote that triggered the alert, Albie, a reminder to me, as I still wrestle with my heart, my thoughts and the winding road of dealing with this You all have been such a support, a true lighthouse in calm and stormy times in my own struggle with what I see now as a sychronistic tailspin with two addicted adult children. Like a moth to the flame, drawn by love and despair, burned over and again by the heartache of it all. Dammit, as lost as they are in their drug world, I became lost myself. These are our children, and we are catapulted smack dab into the desolation of their addiction. It is an unimaginable pain, the grief, unbearable. Grief. I have learned from the loss of hubs a different grief that waxes and wanes, ebbs and flows. The necessity of carrying on, surviving and passage of time lessen the blow, yet how I do miss him. Death has a way of forcing an acceptance of what is. He. Is gone. That is the grief of death. The grief of living, living with this it is unending, constant This grief we deal with, is rekindled with each twist and turn, the blows just keep on and on and on. Here we all are, holding each other's hearts and hands, trying to soften those blows. LBL, that morning walk, I prayed and traveled the maze in my mind, seeking solace from my latest episode with Tornado. I was also grappling with thoughts of her approaching birthday, October 20. She will be 29. I found myself spinning again, that moth to the flame feeling....... Stop. Breath. Rethink. If I could change one word in that old post Albie quoted, it would be ignore. How can any mother ignore this? I suppose at the time of writing it, I was at a point in the stages of grief, fed up, tired, angry. I needed respite from the battle. I was tired of feeling lost. Probably in a "no contact" period, often imposed by my daughter as punishment. What an odd world we are living in, dealing day in and out with the degradation of this Ugh. Today, I would say ignoring it is impossible, it is always In the back of my mind. Recognition of that has helped me in the never ending road of recovery. It is not because I am strong, it is because I am weak. The years I spent thinking I could rescue my two proved that. I love my children with all of my heart, the truth is, they will use that love to my detriment. Keep me wrapped up completely in their drama. My two are con artists and I am their easy mark. They have a bag of tricks and I am no match. I went through all the shoulda, woulda, coulda, over and again. Until I learned. That isn't ignoring, that's bloody work. I had to step back. Like an outmatched boxer in the ring I had to bob and weave and step back. The blows kept on coming. Ignore them? No way. I have to continuously build my toolbox bigger than their bag of tricks. I have to keep reminding myself that I never want to go to that place of desperation again. That takes training. Reframing my mindset, flipping the switch. It has been and will be a long process. I have succeeded and failed, one step forward, two steps back, as we all have. These d cs have impecccable timing, just when it seems that I am coming out of it-WHAM! Blindsided. Clotheslined. I cry when I need to, shake it off. I just don't live there anymore. Can't, won't. But I don't ignore my two and the choices they make. I try to look at it right in the face. They are drug addicts. Addicts lie and steal. Addicts harm their loved ones. Swot, I used to think that was harsh to write here to hurting parents, but it is the reality of it. Truth. We all must do what we must do to deal with this. I think it was Cedar who wrote "lest we cannot look ourselves in the mirror" You are right to give your son his wings to fly on his own. It is not an easy thing either way, how I do feel for you and your aching heart. I wish I had known many years ago at the start of all this, what I know now.[/IMG] [/QUOTE]
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