I'm going to be a broken record on the Al-Anon/Nar-Anon thing. 5 years? Do you have a sponsor? I would suggest asking one of the fellow members to be your sponsor. You need to work those steps, and diligently. This is when you need a person to call who can talk you down. Know, of course, that they will probably tell you the exact same thing that everyone here is telling you.
I am going to pray. Not for your son, but for you ... that God will give you the strength you need. That is where YOUR prayers ought to be going, as well. At this point, your son's future is in Gods hands. Yours, well, you still have choices there.
