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He wants to try again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 738793" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>trying. Did you ever see the old movie, Lost Weekend? It is about alcoholism. What you describe is the nature and the reality of addiction.</p><p></p><p>People every minute decide to go to AA. To recovery. There is the concept 90 meetings in 90 days. Your son could do this. I have been to those meetings. They are wonderful.</p><p></p><p>What you did in your visit was descend into the reality that is your sons life. Of course you feel horrible. But what has to happen is your son needs to choose to rejoin you in your life, or to build a different and better life. You cannot do it for him.</p><p></p><p>Have you been to Al Anon?</p><p></p><p>All of the stuff about dying, is drama. I am sorry to be blunt. But why not changing, instead? Dying is not necessary. Changing is necessary. For him. For you.</p><p></p><p>The cat. I agree. The cat deserves better. If he will not care for himself, he does not need a cat. He needs to surrender the cat to a place where the cat will be cared for by people committed to the cat.</p><p></p><p>Hopeless alcoholics are committed to their liquor and their destruction. At any moment he can climb out of this despair. It is a question of one day at a time.</p><p></p><p>I think by visiting him in this circumstance you not only do not help yourself, you do not help him.</p><p></p><p>You can choose to reinforce change or not. You do that, we do that, by changing ourselves. Both in how we deal with our children, and within ourselves and our own lives. I am choosing to do both.</p><p></p><p>But it took me a long, long time to do so. I focused on my son, completely. I lost myself. I came to feel the hope for myself was tied to his changing. I went all the way down. This, I see, was a choice. I can choose differently. So can you.</p><p></p><p>I sound judgmental. I am not. I am in the same place as you. Except in some aspects, worse. </p><p></p><p>My son is homeless. He has never had the success that does your son. He is older. He has not worked in 7 years. My son too had things he loved: video games, studying language and culture (he is fluent in 3 languages), martial arts, working out. He is indifferent to anything now except his drug.</p><p></p><p>When I dwell in this place, I have no hope either. I cannot permit it. I have cut off contact because I know that my son has all of the power to change his life, and I have none. I can only deal with my own life. Yes. It is heartbreaking. And I have been heartbroken on your thread.</p><p></p><p>But there is more than heartbreak. There is choice. Choice to protect myself. Choice to make my own life rich. Choice to put responsibility in my sons hands, not in my own.</p><p></p><p>I know how despairing you are. I feel that way too. But despair is a feeling. We can act apart from our feelings. He can too. He has achieved things in his life. He can again. Believe in him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 738793, member: 18958"] trying. Did you ever see the old movie, Lost Weekend? It is about alcoholism. What you describe is the nature and the reality of addiction. People every minute decide to go to AA. To recovery. There is the concept 90 meetings in 90 days. Your son could do this. I have been to those meetings. They are wonderful. What you did in your visit was descend into the reality that is your sons life. Of course you feel horrible. But what has to happen is your son needs to choose to rejoin you in your life, or to build a different and better life. You cannot do it for him. Have you been to Al Anon? All of the stuff about dying, is drama. I am sorry to be blunt. But why not changing, instead? Dying is not necessary. Changing is necessary. For him. For you. The cat. I agree. The cat deserves better. If he will not care for himself, he does not need a cat. He needs to surrender the cat to a place where the cat will be cared for by people committed to the cat. Hopeless alcoholics are committed to their liquor and their destruction. At any moment he can climb out of this despair. It is a question of one day at a time. I think by visiting him in this circumstance you not only do not help yourself, you do not help him. You can choose to reinforce change or not. You do that, we do that, by changing ourselves. Both in how we deal with our children, and within ourselves and our own lives. I am choosing to do both. But it took me a long, long time to do so. I focused on my son, completely. I lost myself. I came to feel the hope for myself was tied to his changing. I went all the way down. This, I see, was a choice. I can choose differently. So can you. I sound judgmental. I am not. I am in the same place as you. Except in some aspects, worse. My son is homeless. He has never had the success that does your son. He is older. He has not worked in 7 years. My son too had things he loved: video games, studying language and culture (he is fluent in 3 languages), martial arts, working out. He is indifferent to anything now except his drug. When I dwell in this place, I have no hope either. I cannot permit it. I have cut off contact because I know that my son has all of the power to change his life, and I have none. I can only deal with my own life. Yes. It is heartbreaking. And I have been heartbroken on your thread. But there is more than heartbreak. There is choice. Choice to protect myself. Choice to make my own life rich. Choice to put responsibility in my sons hands, not in my own. I know how despairing you are. I feel that way too. But despair is a feeling. We can act apart from our feelings. He can too. He has achieved things in his life. He can again. Believe in him. [/QUOTE]
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